


Under the starry sky

by nishiki



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Diego Hargreeves, Budding Romance, Depression, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No Apocalypse (Umbrella Academy), Past Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Past Eudora Patch/Diego Hargreeves, Protective Allison Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Protective Luther Hargreeves, Protective Siblings, References to Depression, Romantic Fluff, Sibling Bonding, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Soft Diego Hargreeves, Supportive Klaus Hargreeves, grieving process, helpful Diego Hargreeves, supportive Allison hargreeves, supportive Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23732998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishiki/pseuds/nishiki
Summary: The apocalypse is averted and the Hargreeves siblings are left with their personal issues to deal with. While Klaus is sinking deeper and deeper into the void of grief and depression, he has to realize that, for the first time, he doesn't need to deal with all of this by himself. As Diego is trying to deal with his own grief about Eudora's death, the brothers make a pact to help each other along.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 50
Kudos: 212





	1. Prolog

It started as an innocent idea coming straight out of Allison’s mouth one morning. They had somehow prevented the apocalypse six months ago and were now all trying to live their lives even though that seemed an impossible feat when none of them had any idea what their life even was now. They had all went back to the mansion because, as it turned out, one does not simply return to normal everyday life after almost causing the fucking end of the world. And that was not all on Vanya either. They had all had a hand in that. So, they had worked on rebuilding their family, rebuilding trust for those past six months. 

There were, however, some things that could not be so easily been rebuild or recovered. Klaus still barely slept, he was still withdrawn from his siblings. Not because of the drugs like before he had gotten clean but because of the memories. There were certain things he couldn't just swallow down and forget about and they tended to bubble back to the surface at the most inopportune times. Klaus had never been one to hold a grudge against his siblings. The old man? Sure. But never his siblings. He loved all of them so much that he had always been way too eager to forgive them anything.

It was no surprise that he had quickly become their punching bag. The worst, however, were his dreams about Dave. Now, six months later, he had come to terms with the fact that Dave had moved on and would never show himself to Klaus. Maybe he was watching from the veil, maybe he was proud of Klaus too. Six months sober. He had never lasted this long - not even in prison where it had been so easy to get his hands on drugs with a mouth like his. Six months sober and he felt everything more strongly and deeply. Sometimes it was nice but most of the time he wished to still be numb to the world. There were days when he couldn't stand the world, the noise, even the sunlight, days when he just wanted to hide under his blankets and don't get up. Depression held him tightly in a strong vice-like the bitch she was.

He knew how dangerous this thing could become for him if he wouldn't fight it but without the drugs, it sometimes seemed just so impossible to even try. Everything was so much easier when he didn't have to feel anything. 

That was when Allison came along with the glorious idea that had made Klaus scoff at first. A dating app. A fucking dating app. That was his sister’s solution for the pain he was going through. As if him getting back into the game would change anything, as if it would make the feeling of loss and sadness any better, as if it would stop Dave’s dog tags from weighing him down. 

"It's a stupid idea," Klaus muttered as he was lounging on his brother’s bed, his feet comfortably on Diego’s lap while his brother tried reading. He wasn’t very successful, studying the same line for the third time now and just because of Klaus’ presence in the same room that kept him from focussing on the text. 

"Coming from the guy who thought it was a great idea to walk outside barefoot during a blizzard." Diego hummed in response, his eyes still on the book in his hands even though they both knew that he hadn't been able to understand a single word he had read so far. It was just like old times when he had kept Diego from doing his homework properly.

"I was high." He defended himself on instinct. 

"Yeah, when weren’t you?" Diego scoffed and pinched his right foot sharply. 

"It's still a bad idea." He frowned. "I mean … I don't want to start dating. I never went about dating like this anyway … I mean … I never had a  _ date _ . Not like in the movies or on TV anyway. I just went to clubs and bars and hooked up with whoever was up to it, right? I never … properly went out with a guy and all that bullshit."

"Can't say I’m an expert either." Diego chuckled as he finally gave up on his book, closed it, and threw it to the side with so much accuracy, that it landed perfectly on his bookshelf. No wonder Diego’s room was always so fucking tidy. He just needed to throw shit. "Eudora was my last girlfriend and even before her … Can’t say I went on dates much."

"See? Stupid idea."

"Nah, Bro." Diego sighed. He leaned his head back against the wall behind him. The paint was chipped and needed a refresher soon. Hell, it had needed a refresher since they had turned ten. "I think we should both give it a try."

"What?"

"You heard me. Come on, we’ll both set up a profile. It’ll do us some good, right?"

"Dee, I don't-"

"Listen, Klaus." He said more sternly, his hands now resting on Klaus’ ankles in his lap. They had so often resumed this position that it was normal for them, even thirteen years after they had last been sitting on Diego’s bed like this. "I know how you feel. You are not the only one who lost someone this year, right? Sure, Eudora and I broke up a while ago but I-"

"You still loved her."

"Yeah." He sighed. Klaus had always prided himself on being able to read Diego like an open book. Ben and he might have been attached at the hips for thirteen years, ever since his brother had died and had no one else but Klaus to stick to, but Diego had always been his best friend. He could always tell what his brother was thinking or feeling. Right now, however, he couldn't quite put his finger on the emotion in Diego’s chocolate brown eyes. "I did. And I wasn't there when she needed my help - or when you did. And I really don't want to go out with another woman and move on but … if anything, it takes our minds off of things for a bit. It doesn't have to be more than innocent flirting with strangers, Klaus. No one expects you to forget about Dave and act like nothing happened." 

"Maybe you’re right." Klaus finally agreed even though he could feel a pit opening in his stomach. Suddenly, the dog tags were even heavier around his neck. "If anything … You really need to get laid, Brother."

**-End of Chapter 1-**


	2. Chapter 2

Neither one of them had ever set up a dating profile and it showed right away. They were completely useless even trying it. It were the little things that were so incredibly frustrating to them both as they sat in the living room with their phones out. Allison had abandoned them half an hour ago to fend for themselves. Now here they were, lost in the wilderness of online dating, failing to even set up a profile while their sister sat with Vanya near the fireplace and enjoyed a glass of Merlot.

"How do you even come up with a screen name?" Diego groaned and allowed his head to fall back into the sofa cushions in frustration. "Everything I come up with sounds silly!" 

"Just call yourself “Number Two” then." Klaus sighed trying and failing all the same to come up with something witty or funny. This was already much more exhausting than going to the bar and hooking up with a random stranger.

"Taken."

"Kraken?"

"Taken."

"Bondageenthusiast69."

"Also taken - but I take offense to that." 

Klaus just sighed deeply and threw his phone to the side where it bounces on the sofa cushions before lying still and pretending to be innocent. "It's pointless, Dee." He muttered. "We can't even come up with fucking names! How are we going to set up the rest of our profiles when we can’t even come up with names? It's hopeless, Dee, we will never get another good dicking in our lives."

"Eww," Diego muttered quietly in response but kept trying out screen names for himself with growing frustration. "Okay, listen, Dude, I think you’re right … It's stupid." 

"It is, isn't it? Who even had that idea?"

"Allison."

"Allison is stupid."

"Hey!"

"No offense, Sis!" Allison gave a little grunt in response from where she was sitting with Vanya near the fireplace. It was a lazy Sunday for all of them, even though Five insisted that they didn't have time to be lazy or even think about setting up stupid dating profiles or busying their minds with shit like that. Klaus was almost inclined to agree with him. He still felt odd even thinking about setting up a dating profile, about getting back in the game when he still dreamed about Dave, when he still wore his dog tags, when he still held onto the desire of conjuring him even though by now he knew that it was of no use. 

"Okay" Diego suddenly slapped his leg, making Klaus wince in the process. Diego sometimes forgot his own strength and that Klaus was a whump. Well, a whump who had served in the fucking Vietnam War of all places but still. "We are gonna get some fresh air, Bro."

"What?"

"You stink." He huffed. "You need to be aired out every once in a while like laundry. Come on, we’ll get donuts."

"I have no money."

"My treat."

"Oh, so you are my sugar daddy now?"

"Aren’t I always, Baby?" Five made a few not so polite retching sounds from where he sat at the bar with a martini and his notebook but Klaus chose to ignore it as he slowly got up from the sofa instead to leave their siblings and the house behind them. It was a little odd how his siblings kept hovering around him and each other for the past six months. Frankly, it was a little unsettling and Klaus didn't like it one bit. He was used to being on his own all the time. Now being surrounded by his siblings at all hours of the day was suffocating to Klaus.

At least Diego seemed to realize how Klaus truly felt, otherwise he wouldn't have rescued him from the house. They were completely silent for a while as they walked side by side down the street, forgoing his brother’s car in favor of walking in the warmth of the sunny afternoon of this Sunday in late September. Soon they would all turn thirty. How odd. It would be their first birthday that they would all spend together again for the past thirteen years.

"It's all a bit much, isn't it?" Diego muttered quietly as they walked through the gate of the nearby park - a short-cut straight to Griddy’s that they had discovered in their pre-teen years when Five had still been there with them to sneak out at night for some donuts. 

"What do you mean?"

"Being back home … all of us together. Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming having them all around."

"It's suffocating." Klaus agreed quietly and immediately felt guilty saying something like this. He had spent thirteen years with nearly no contact with any of his siblings alone and lost on the streets and now he was saying shit like this? He probably sounded ungrateful. It would be only a matter of time now until he would break his sobriety and be kicked out by his siblings again. He could almost feel it in his bones with thoughts like this. "I mean don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that we are all together again, right? When I was still living on the streets, I would have wished for something like this. I would have wanted to have all my siblings around me again, a real home, and a family that cares but … now…"

"It's too much," Diego replied and nudged him with his shoulder. Besides Ben, there was only Diego whom he could really be honest with as it seemed. Diego, who wouldn’t judge him because he had been there to pick up the pieces so often in the past.

"Yes." He chuckled quietly. "It's too much … sometimes. The hovering and the … the caring and shit. I mean … yeah, I am happy that we are all back together and that the others care so much now but … they don't really get it, do they? None of them do. How could they?"

"Yeah." Diego sighed and slung his arm around Klaus’ shoulders. Sometimes he thought that Diego too couldn't really understand what was going on inside his head but Diego knew it much better than anyone else, at the very least. They had both lost someone that they loved, no matter what Diego would say about Patch. He had loved her and Klaus had loved Dave. And their siblings couldn't understand it. They couldn't grasp it. Not really. "They can’t, little Bro." 

"Maybe Allison’s idea isn't that stupid but I just think … It's a little too early still, isn't it? How can I even think about getting back into the game and meeting other guys when I still think about Dave all the time? When I still dream about him?"

"I don't know." Diego shrugged. "I mean, I feel the same way. I always think about her, you know? I think about our last conversation, I think about how it's my fault that she went to that Motel alone and without backup, how I teased her relentlessly about being such a sucker for police protocol. And no … I think Allison’s idea is pretty damn stupid. I mean, I get where she's coming from. She wants us to move on and stop living in the past but … Sooner or later, we will move on from this, okay? In due time, we will move on. And we don't need fucking dating apps for that."

"Okay … Promise me to go out dancing when we are both ready?" 

"Pinky promise." 

※※※※※※※ 

Sleep just wouldn't come to him. He could toss and turn as much as he wanted, it just wouldn't do anything but make him sweaty and he didn't like being sweaty. He didn't have a clock in his room because time had never had much of a meaning for him anyway but he didn't need one to know that it had to be way past midnight as he gave up and threw his blanket off. Ever since he had gotten clean, he barely slept at night. He could just not find rest anymore because without the drugs, not only the ghosts came back to him but also the nightmares and he wanted to deal with neither one right now. 

Ben wasn't around at the moment, meaning that he probably was doing his own thing - whatever ghosts did in their free time. Well, who was he to judge, right? Maybe his brother had a ghost date or went to a ghost party or something. He sat up on his bed, swung his legs over the edge and paused right away. What now? He had no idea what he wanted to do. Sleep wasn't coming to him anytime soon. Probably not at all tonight. Sure, he knew what he  _ wanted  _ to do but … he was six months clean. He had never gone this long. He couldn't fail now just because he couldn't sleep. He had to be fucking stronger than this. Right? There was this poisonous little voice in the back of his mind, however, that asked why he should be stronger than his cravings. He knew that his siblings were waiting for him to relapse. He knew that everyone had probably bets going on for when Klaus would break his sobriety again. He had never been stronger than his addiction, why should he be now? He had gotten clean for Dave and yet, Dave refused to show himself. It had been six months. Dave wouldn't show himself to Klaus. The thought hurt, yes, because it felt like Dave had betrayed him and died a second time but realizing that Dave wouldn't come to him also meant that his sobriety was pointless, right?

It was a short trip downstairs to the liquor cabinet. 

But, he thought, his siblings believed in him. Diego believed in him and he was trying to get a hang on his powers now. For the first time in his life, he actively wanted to work on his powers and no longer just lock them away behind a paywall called sobriety. But what to do if not taking drugs or drinking himself stupid?

Painting was out of the question as well, simply because he didn't feel like it. If he were Diego or Luther, he would go for a run now. He was neither Luther nor Diego though and he would only run when he would be chased by someone wielding a machete. He still got up slowly from his bed before he left the room. Maybe he could go for a walk.

A voice in the back of his head warned him about going for a walk, though. He had been outside since he had gotten clean but he rarely went outside on his own. It wasn't that his siblings wouldn't trust him to go alone, it was that he didn't trust himself. It would be so easy to accidentally run into one of his old dealers, right? And he knew how it worked! He would run into an old dealer, the guy would chat him up, he would say that he was clean, the dealer would express how proud he was of him and then gift him a baggy of pills for his favorite former customer. He had seen it a million times in the past. He knew their methods. No … going outside alone at night wasn't safe for him. But the house was probably big enough to get a decent amount of steps in, right?

His first destination was the kitchen because maybe there was some snack lying around that he could steal from one of his siblings, one of Diego’s disgusting protein bars just to spite him, or Five’s favorite yogurt. Something like this sounded like a damn good idea to him right now. Sadly, as he reached the kitchen there was none of that lying around for him to steal and eat with the pleasure of knowing to have annoyed one of his siblings. It was his favorite past-time activity these days and his siblings, oddly enough, didn't seem to mind all that much. This was, however, a little infuriating at times. It wasn't like he wanted his siblings to be upset with him. It was just that … well, at least he had something to do that would distract him from the overwhelmingly negative thoughts his mind bombarded him with at all hours of the day when he could bicker and fight with his siblings. 

That they had not yet grown tired of his antics was a miracle. 

From the kitchen, he went straight to the living room where his eyes caught on the little black device with the shiny display that was resting on the coffee table. His phone. He had forgotten about it since he and Diego went out to get donuts. He wasn't used to having a phone and he hadn't even wanted a phone originally but Allison had demanded that he, Diego, and Five would get one each so that the chaos from the apocalypse days might be prevented in the future. Well, she had a point. All of it wouldn't have escalated as much if all of them would have had working cell-phones. 

He walked over to the couch and flopped down before he grabbed his phone and unlocked it. The dating app was still open and his empty profile looked back at him mockingly. He couldn't even set up a dating profile on his own. It was the most normal thing to do for most people, wasn't it? But he … He couldn't do it. It felt like he was betraying Dave if he would. Maybe that was stupid but that was just how it felt to him. If he would let another man into his life like this … What would Dave think when he would decide to pop back in to have a look at Klaus?

And yet … Dave had been dead for roughly 51 years now! He had been dead for 21 years before Klaus had even been born! And, most importantly, his ghost ass had not once shown itself to Klaus during the past six months. So, either Dave had moved on and was now happy in heaven and didn't even know that he could contact Klaus or he had forgotten about Klaus or … he didn't want to see Klaus. Whatever it was, maybe it was time for him to move on. It was like Allison had said, right? It didn't mean he would fuck the next guy he would come across right away. It could just be flirting, getting one foot back into the game, and have a bit of innocent fun to get his mind off of things. He didn't want to get his mind off of Dave, though. 

But Dave … Strong, kind, gentle Dave … He would want him to live his life and be happy, right? They had met in the fucking Vietnam War with the very valid chance that one of them would die there and if he would have died instead of Dave … Yes, he would’ve wanted him to move on and be happy. He wouldn't have wanted Dave to spent the rest of his life miserable and alone and depressed and mourning him. 

It still felt selfish as he typed in a screen name and completed his profile. It felt selfish as he went through the database and swiped right on a few guys or sent some winky emojis out to them. It didn't take long for some of those strangers to answer him right back - fellow insomniacs, as it seemed - but Klaus never wrote back. He received the first dick pick within ten minutes of him being online and the first offer to hook up in the first eleven minutes and already he had enough of this app. 

Some of the offers were tempting. He was amazed at how easy it would be for him to say yes, go outside, and get fucked by some dude from this app. It would be easy and nice and probably fun and still, Klaus closed the app and instead curled into himself on the sofa. Later, he would deny to any living soul that he had bawled his eyes out that night on the sofa, but the old lady in the corner that made so much noise with her knitting needles, saw.

※※※※※※※ 

He was shaken awake by brute force and his first instinct was to jump to his feet and salute his sergeant. He did nothing like that, though. He just opened his eyes and immediately screwed them shut against the blinding light shining in through the big ass windows of the living room. "What the hell…"

"Rise and shine, Sunshine!" Diego drawled and only seconds later a cup of coffee was shoved under his nose. He was not much of a coffee lover but the aroma that hit his nose all at once was tantalizing, to say the least. "We have an exciting day ahead of us so get your lazy ass moving already." 

"What?" He muttered and wrestled his body into a sitting position before grabbing the coffee mug from his brother’s hands while still fighting the fatigue that was clinging to him. 

"You heard me, asshole," Diego grunted and kicked his leg very fondly. Diego had always been very aggressive when he wanted to express that he cared. He used to be the kind of child that would kick and shove and pinch his siblings to express his love. If Diego would have known Eudora during their childhood, he would have probably pulled her pigtails. Thinking about it, he had pulled Klaus’ hair a lot when they were kids. "I trust it that you left the liquor cabinet as it were yesterday?"

"Yeah," Klaus growled, already used to his siblings’ distrust when they found him alone inside the room with the bar. At the beginning of this journey, they even went as far as to remove all the alcohol from the house - which Five had not been very happy about. The next person that would definitely get an intervention was this little shithead. Still, he was tired of getting offended about their distrust of him. "So what do you want? Why should I get up? I am perfectly fine where I am."

"It's Monday."

"So I’ve heard." He shrugged. "Let me go back to sleep then. It's not like I have a fucking job anyway, right? And with Dad’s inheritance, I don't need to work ever again."

"Which you will get next year in April after you’ve been clean for a whole year. That's the condition he set."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He rolled his eyes. He remembered the fucking family meeting after this whole apocalypse mess when dad’s lawyer finally came to tell them about their father’s last will. "But until then, I’m gonna need a sugar daddy. I have high living standards, you know? And I’m not gonna lower them."

"Yeah, I know." Diego humored him. "So up now."

"No. Why? Let a guy sleep in a little."

"No, Brother." Diego was not gonna budge and he knew it. Diego had this way of standing when he was not gonna budge. He would put his hands on his hips like some ultra-Karen when she would speak to the manager, his feet perfectly hips wide apart and planted securely on the floor, his chin narrowed just slightly, his eyes dark and almost threatening. "Get up. I’ll meet you in ten outside in workout clothes."

"I don't have-"

"I put some on your bed. No discussion. Be outside in ten or you gonna find a new sugar daddy." With that, his brother turned away and left a very much confused Klaus behind who carefully sipped at his scalding hot coffee. Well, that was definitely weird. 

"You better get going." Ben’s smug voice came from the bar where he sat perched on one of the barstools. "He’s serious about this. Chop chop!"

He decided that flipping off a ghost was not beneath him before he got up with his coffee and slowly started his ascend up the stairs and towards his bedroom. Diego hadn't lied when he told him he had put clothes on his bed for him. What he failed to tell him, though, was that they were brand new and his size. 

They fit perfectly, as Klaus put them on, even though he personally would have gone with shorts and not long sweatpants. He had the legs to show off, after all. Diego was definitely jealous of his legs. After he had changed, he drank the rest of his coffee in one go, left the mug on his cluttered desk trusting that Mom would take it later and walked back downstairs. He could see the outline of Diego’s body sitting on the stairs in front of the door and wondered if his brother thought that he wouldn't come. Well, he couldn't blame him if he was doubting him, really. He had proven time and time again that he couldn't be trusted - especially to Diego. After all, it had been Diego who had so often reached out to him in the past. 

With a sigh, Klaus finally walked through the entrance hall just as he noticed how Diego’s shadow got up and started descending the stairs. The ten minutes were up and he would leave. Klaus thought that he might as well just stay inside for a few seconds longer and then this stupid thing would be over with. Instead, he opened the door and walked outside. Diego had already reached the front gate but turned around in surprise when he heard Klaus walk out of the house. A small smile quickly spread over his sun-kissed face.

"They fit. Good. I wasn't sure." 

Klaus quickly walked down the stairs but kept frowning at Diego. "So what's this about now?"

"Okay" Diego sighed and put his hands into the pockets of his own sweatpants. "Listen, last night I couldn't sleep and I thought about our situation a lot, right? Online dating might not be the right way forward but I think that we still need to move forward. Both of us. I can see how hard this all is on you. Dave, getting sober, staying sober … everything else. So, I want to be there for you, help you."

"And that's why I need gym clothes?"

"Yes, because the best way to a healthy mind is a healthy body and a strict routine. Routine is what's been missing from your life since you moved out."

"Because I had more than enough of it while growing up here."

"I know." Diego groaned with a roll of his eyes. "But I’m not Dad, Klaus. Okay here's the deal: You will go running and exercise with me every morning from now on for an hour and in exchange, you’ll teach me something that I don't know, okay? Look at it like a pact. We get each other through this time because you are right, the others don't really get it. But we do. We can help each other. So what do you say?" 

He would say that he was a little overwhelmed that's what he would fucking say! 

"Klaus?" Diego muttered. "Hey … listen … okay, I get it. Maybe it's a stupid idea."

"No, it's not!" Klaus shot back quickly. "It's really not. It's actually a great idea. I am just a little surprised." 

"Good surprised?"

"Good surprised." Klaus huffed and allowed himself to be amazed by the smile that broke out on Diego’s face. He had forgotten that his brother was capable of any other facial expression than scowling. This smile was a good look on him. It made him look at least ten years younger and reminded Klaus of the little boy he had always gotten in trouble with. "But listen, don't expect too much of me, okay? I am not known to be very sporty."

"Oh, shush. There was a time when you were actually faster than I was."

"Yeah, that was when I was still trying to impress Dad."

"Then impress me now." Diego chuckled. "I remember how acrobatic you were too. You were much better at this shit than any of us, remember?"

"I was quite the circus animal." Klaus scoffed. It was the one talent he did have in the past but Reginald had not deemed it necessary to pursue. Yet, Klaus had loved to impress his siblings doing all kinds of crazy shit in their gym.

"That you were. Okay, come on now. We are going to the park." 

"We are not  _ running  _ to the park?"

"No, we are starting out slow. We will be running to the park and through the park when you are more used to it." 

"I see, you are very optimistic."

"I believe in you, Dingus." 

"Well, at least one of us does." 

**-End of Chapter 2-**


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Klaus fell into bed with a full stomach and sore muscles. It had been a good day, oddly enough. The first good day in quite a long while. Even though he had been pissed at Diego at first for treating him like a child and forcing him to do exercise with him but now he felt pleasantly tired. Tired enough to ignore the ghost standing at his window staring outside into the night. A young man with a bullet hole in his temple. He was moving his lips as if he was talking but Klaus couldn't hear anything. He was one of the more pleasant ghosts in his life. He wasn't screaming, at the very least, and he didn't even want Klaus’ attention. It was just annoying sometimes when he would wake up to the man standing right next to his bed.

"How are you feeling?" Ben addressed him from the foot of his bed. 

"Like Diego ran me over with a steamroller." He yawned.

"It's a good thing though."

"I beg to differ."

"Not the sport." Ben rolled his eyes. "I mean the thing you got going. The pact. I like the idea."

"Diego thinks exercise is the answer to every problem. He wants to pull me out of my deep dark hole." 

"Just as much as he wants you to pull him out of his deep dark hole."

"Maybe." He sighed. "I’m gonna teach that motherfucker yoga for making me run through the park, like an idiot." 

"Good idea. Make him form into a pretzel and then take photos of it."

"I missed scheming with you, Benjamin. I think I’m gonna sleep now. Maybe you should haunt Five, Casper. Bet he is still awake. Push over his coffee cup or make his lights flicker to annoy him." 

"Alright, alright." Ben sighed and he was gone before Klaus could even blink. 

He switched the light on the nightstand off, leaving only his fairy lights around the room on, and turned on his stomach but no matter how tired he was, he could already tell that sleep wouldn't be coming any time soon now. Even with as tired and exhausted as he was, that didn't change anything about him having trouble sleeping while not on drugs. And maybe that was because he didn't want to fall asleep, because he didn't want to face his nightmares about Dave’s death yet again. The nightmares that he had had about the mausoleum and the ghosts and everything else that happened in his life had been bad enough but apparently the universe had decided to kick it up a notch after Dave.

With a sigh, he grabbed for his phone on the nightstand. He might as well play something on that unholy device. However, as he unlocked the display, he saw a notification right at the top of the display telling him about someone who had sent him a message on that weird dating app. Curiosity got the better of him as he opened it and read:

_ Pancakelover _ : "I see you are a fellow breakfast food enthusiast. Nice to meet you."

It was probably the tamest thing anyone had said to him on that app so far and there was no dickpic attached too! Well, there was not really a picture of the guy on his profile either, just a photo of a plate of pancakes with maple syrup dripping down from them. Well, he too only had a photo of waffles that he took when he had been out and about with Diego the other day. For some reason, Klaus just had not felt comfortable taking a picture of himself and adding it to his profile. His past on the streets was still haunting him and a part of him was still afraid that people from back in the day would find him again. 

For a second, he just stared at the message and the green little dot next to the name signalizing that  _ Pancakelover  _ was online right now. He debated himself if he should reply at all but then again, what was there to lose? So he typed:

_ Wafflemaster _ : "Excuse you? I’d have you informed that both waffles and pancakes can be enjoyed around the clock. In fact, I used to have waffles for dinner for a while."

He was sure that the other guy would drop off right away but  _ Pancakelover  _ surprised Klaus as he sat the little type-bubble appear followed by: "You are  _ wild _ ! ;)" 

"Some would call me unhinged." Klaus replied with a smirk and since the other guy couldn't see his smirk he added: ";)" for good measure.

"I like unhinged." The other guy wrote shortly after. "So you can’t sleep or why are you still online?"

"I’m somewhat of an insomniac. You?" 

"Same." 

"I have to give you a compliment."

"Already? Well, I guess I do look delicious ;D."

It was cheap and silly and it made Klaus chuckle. "I would devour you in a heartbeat ;D" He wrote back. "But that's not what I meant. Smooth tho. Still, five minutes in and no dickpic yet? I am impressed, Sir."

"I am an impressive guy." The stranger replied swiftly. "Sorry, if I went against dating-app etiquette. Should I have sent you a dickpic by now? Or do you want me to send one right now? Do I ask you to send one? I am new to this kinda thing."

"Dickpics?"

"Dating apps."

"Ah, me too." After a moment of hesitation, he continued. "No, thank you, Sir, I don't want unsolicited dickpics for now, but thank you for your concern in that regard."

"Always eager to please, Sir." 

"So how comes a sweet guy like you is here, to begin with?"

"Could ask you the same thing." Came the quick response. He saw him starting to type something before deleting it, then a pause and then the same on repeat twice before finally: "Came out of a troubled relationship a few months ago and thought to try out something new. My ex-girlfriend always said that I didn’t have the courage to try out new things, so…"

"Ex-girlfriend?" Klaus repeated. "So not only are you trying out this new dating app but you also go change the target demographic, huh? Well, if that ain’t courage I dunno what is."

"What about you?"

He hesitated for a moment. "I had a bad breakup and my sister encouraged me to try this." He felt bad for lying about Dave in this way but what else was he supposed to say? The truth? Probably not, right? That guy was just some stranger from the internet anyway. He didn't owe him the truth. 

"Another thing we have in common then, huh?" 

"Yeah, seems like it." He answered and yawned into his pillow. "Okay, I think I’m trying to sleep now, have to get up early, my friend has this weird kink that he tries torturing me with exercise now."

"Your friend is a smart guy."

"Oh no, they multiply! Anyway, it was nice talking to you, good night, Sweetheart!"

"Sweet dreams, Honey." 

Klaus grinned at his phone at that reply before putting it aside on his nightstand. It was really odd how a silly little conversation like this could get his dopamine levels up so easily. He didn't know that guy, didn't even know what he looked like and their conversation had been quite tame and short and yet it had made him smile and forget about his worries and his troubled mind for just a few minutes. Maybe Allison had been right. Maybe this would help. Not to find a new boyfriend, because that was the last thing he wanted to do, but to get his mind off of things and start living life again. He owed as much to Dave. 

※※※※※※※ 

The next morning came way too early for Diego. For the first time ever, he didn't want to get up in the morning. He had always enjoyed his training routine, the early morning exercise, the fresh air, having a strict routine for everything he did. Since the apocalypse, he didn't really saw a sense in all that, though. True, at first he had been wired and full with nervous energy. He had trained even more and harder than usual but ever since he started to realize that they had really done it, really averted the apocalypse … what reason had he to get up that early still? All his training and his routine and his vigilante-ism hadn't saved Eudora, in the end. He was only  _ Number Two _ . Never a child. Always a weapon. Never good enough. Always only second best. Never on time.

This empty black hole he found himself in had razor-sharp teeth and was filled with nightmares. It was the same place Klaus was locked in ever since he came back from Vietnam - maybe even before that. And yet, although he now knew what it was like, he still couldn't help his brother, still couldn't take this from him or make it better in any way. When he would fall asleep, he would be in that dirty motel room again and see Eudora on the stained carpet. No matter how much he would run, he would never get there on time. He would always be too late to save her. 

The sun was about to rise and cast magenta light into his room. His alarm clock read 05:00 AM. The house was quiet. Only Mom was up downstairs preparing breakfast, probably with a hum on her lips as per usual. Allison and Luther had come back late last night. They had been out at the cinema. Some old black and white movie that Luther had always wanted to see as a child. His sister was planning a trip back home to L.A. to see Claire and Vanya would accompany her. Life went on. People were living as if everything was still normal.

His door opened with a flourish and he knew only one person who wouldn't give a crap about being quiet and gentle in the early morning hours. "Rise and shine, Babycakes!"

"Klaus?"

"Why aren't you up yet?" He looked at him with one eye and found Klaus standing next to his bed in his work-out clothes. "Chop chop!" 

Slowly, he pushed himself up on his bed to fully look at Klaus. He really was wearing his work-out clothes, ready to go. Weird. He had expected him to make a much bigger fuss about all of this. Apparently, his brother could read his face like a book, because he huffed quietly and flopped down next to him, which led to Klaus’ bony elbow digging into Diego’s stomach. He tried not to wince at that.

"What? We have a deal and I’d like to let you know that I am a man of honor."

"Since when?"

"Since the army, probably." Klaus shrugged with a mirthless little chuckle. "No … Really … I think it's a good idea. So, get your ass up now or you will never be the cutest bitch in this family. Be down in ten or I’ll go without you and have ice cream at Griddy’s to drown my sorrows until I am  _ fat  _ and you have to roll me up the stairs." 

"I am trembling in fear, Baby." Diego gave back mockingly but it lacked mirth as he watched Klaus shimmy out of his room and back into the hallway he had come from. For a moment, he just sat there and listened to Klaus talk to the air - or rather to Ben - as he walked down the hallway. He just sat there and listened and allowed himself to feel the moment for a while.

Had this really happened just now? Had Klaus really come to wake him up and wanted to go running with him on his own accord? That just couldn't be true, right? He was still dreaming, right? With a sigh, he slowly got up from his bed and started changing into his normal work-out clothes. If he wouldn't be down in ten minutes, he had no doubt Klaus would come up again to pester him until he would finally do what his little brother wanted him to do. Klaus could say all he wanted that he wouldn't do it or that he would go out to eat ice cream, they both knew that Klaus wouldn't just go away and leave him to stir a bit more in his own misery.

Somehow Klaus always knew when he was feeling particularly shitty and would be there to say something or do something to cheer him up. Not that he felt much cheered up right now but … exercise would help him. The natural endorphin rush would help. And he needed to be there for Klaus, right? His brother needed his help to move on. Maybe it was an unhealthy way to go about things but if it would distract him from his own problems and woes to distract Klaus, ist was good enough for now. 

Five minutes later, he was downstairs only to find the front door wide open, letting the warm air of the early September morning into the house. It was still warm these days, summer was in full swing and people were running around in shorts and flowy skirts. The best time of the year. Even Klaus seemed to be freezing much less than normal. As he walked outside, he almost stumbled over his brother who was sitting on the top step, sipping on a paper cup and holding another one up to Diego as if he had expected him already.

"Right on time."

"You said ten minutes."

"I knew you would be quicker. You can't wait to get your sweat on, right? Kinky, if you ask me, but who am I to judge, Baby?"

With a small sigh, he took the coffee cup from Klaus’ hand only to gently nudge him with his foot to get up. Some might say he had kicked him but those people didn't know shit. "So" He addressed Klaus as they walked through the front gate and made their way down the street in the direction of the park. "Yesterday, we did my kind of exercise. Today it's your turn. So what are you teaching me later?" 

"I’m not telling you."

"What? Why?"

"Well, it would spoil all the fun, duh!"

"I would just like to prepare - mentally."

"You’re gonna like it."

"We are not watching porn together."

"Eww, even I have my limits, brother-dearest."

"Tell me."

"I’m teaching you yoga."

"Yoga? Nah, dude, that's for girls!"

"Excuse you? Do I look like a girl to you?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Okay nevermind." He sighed in defeat. "But you will be surprised how badass yoga is. Or are you implying women aren't badass?"

"I am implying that  _ you  _ are not badass."

"Rich, Diego, rich. Might I remind you who of the two of us fought in the trenches of the fucking Vietnam war?"

"Alright, alright. Yoga then. But I am not dressing up in yoga pants."

"You don't have to." Klaus huffed. "You don't have the ass for them anyway."

"But you do?"

"My ass, as I like to inform you, was chiseled by the gods. My ass was made for wearing yoga pants." 

"I’m not gonna argue with that." Diego sighed and sipped on his coffee. The banter between them felt nice. He had missed it.

"So you  _ did  _ look at my ass!" 

"It's hard not to look at your ass when you keep waving it in front of everyone's faces!" Diego laughed and threw his empty cup into the next trash bin on their way. By now, they had reached the park and their banter had managed to put a smile on Klaus’ face.

His own smile, however, vanished almost completely just two hours later when they had set up their yoga mats in the attic. His forehead was covered in sweat, the air was stuffy and Diego just wanted to die on the spot while soft relaxing music was playing in the background. 

"And now we flow back into the Downward Dog and stay there for four nice, long breaths." Klaus’ voice was almost a bit too soft for the situation. However, he could tell, even without looking at his brother, that he was enjoying this. He could hear the smirk dripping from his voice while Diego struggled to hold the pose. It was fucking exhausting. They were doing this for nearly half an hour by now and he felt like his muscles were on fire. Not only that but he would even go as far as to say his atoms were being re-arranged by the training. 

As it turned out, yoga was much harder than he had anticipated. He shouldn't have laughed about his brother and he was very much certain that he was doing this shit now as a form of revenge. Yeah, only Klaus would take his revenge on him like that and he couldn't even blame him.

"Does it have to have such a dumb name?"

"You mean the Downward Dog?" Klaus chuckled and breathed in deeply. "Yes, it does and now we are gonna walk the dog."

"What?" 

"Just do what I do." 

He felt ridiculous as he started to do the same thing his brother did, lifting the heels of his feet one after the other to make tiny steps on the spot in this position. "You enjoy this!"

"Of course, I do!" Klaus cackled. "That’s why I’m fucking doing this." 

At least he was laughing, he thought to himself. 

"Okay now, feet on the ground, right leg up behind you and hold it there for two breaths - then a biiiiiig step forward between your hands and flow into the Warrior."

"You are making shit up now!" Diego laughed as he lost control over his limbs and sagged in on himself and fell down on the mat, much to Klaus’ delight as he let out a burst of cackling laughter. Unlike Diego, however, Klaus kept going like it was nothing at all and apparently  _ flowed  _ into the Warrior pose. He sat down on his mat as he kept watching Klaus. Diego had to admit that he rarely saw his brother so much in control of his own body. It was a nice view too, seeing him so focused on his workout, with just a tiny bead of sweat slowly running down his temple while Diego felt absolutely  _ drenched  _ in sweat. 

"Enjoying the view?"

"You are doing great," Diego replied with a smirk. "I am amazed."

"You are always underestimating me."

"Not at all." He sighed and watched how Klaus  _ flowed  _ into the next position. "I am serious. I have never seen you so much in control over yourself - and I fucking underestimated this thing. It's exhausting! I give it to you!"

"I’m glad you see the error of your ways, Sunshine! You can apologize in buying me waffles." 

**-End of Chapter 3-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allison and Klaus have a long overdue heart to heart <3

Routine was a good thing. That was what Diego said, at least. Routine helped to get a clearer mind and understanding of the situation. It helped to stop obsessing over certain things and bring the focus back on the more important things in life. Diego was an idiot but sometimes he had a few words of wisdom to spare that actually made sense even to Klaus. It was their second day of training together and he felt yet again exhausted. He and Diego had spent almost the entire day together. Running in the park at 5 AM, then a light breakfast at home courtesy of their mother before heading out to go grocery shopping for the whole gang. After that, Klaus had tried to teach his brother some yoga, followed by lunch at Griddy’s in the form of waffles for him and pancakes for his brother. The afternoon, they had spent in the park together, just sitting in the sun and chatting or being quiet and watching other people. 

It was nice. Spending so much time with his favorite sibling and then having dinner with the entire family. And the routine felt good too, even though it was only the second day. He felt accomplished, in a weird way. That was definitely a new feeling entirely. He didn't know if he could trust that feeling yet. Sometimes it could be very misleading. He would start to feel safe with something he did and then it would turn out that everything was still absolute horseshit and he would fall into an even deeper hole. 

The truth was, and Klaus knew this, things couldn't stay like this forever. Life had to go on. Diego would tire of him sooner or later. He would start doing his own thing again and Klaus would start struggling when Diego wouldn't be there any longer to keep the routine alive. Right now, he was using Diego as his crutch and neither was this good nor was it fair towards his brother. As he slumped down on his mattress, he stared at the ceiling for a little while. Ben had already been waiting for him when he entered the room after a nice long shower but he didn't look at his brother and just kept reading his book. 

"I’m thinking about renovating my room."

"Why?"

"Because … Well, I live here again, right? Maybe it's time to change this room a bit … I mean … get rid of the angsty teen-junkie aesthetic I have going on here and do something more … normal."

"And what did you think about?"

"I don't know. I should start with the walls, I guess." The walls were covered in scribbles and little crude drawings made with a permanent marker. Some of the things that he had written all over the walls were the things the ghosts had whispered to him in their desperate attempts of getting heard by him. He didn't really want to look at these scrawls and think about the past anymore. "I don't like being here."

"Then move out."

"No, I mean, this room."

"There are over 40 other bedrooms you can choose."

"No, Benny, ugh … you don't get it." He sighed.

"Then explain it." Sometimes he wanted to curse Ben. His dead brother knew Klaus better than most other people, with the exception of Diego, perhaps. Yet, Ben always needed explanations for what was going on inside Klaus’ head. He didn't expect his brother to read his mind, obviously but couldn't Ben see how hard a time Klaus sometimes had to vocalize his thoughts and feelings?

He remembered having a panic attack during dinner when they were twelve, triggered by Five and Reginald shouting at each other. Klaus had always been avoidant of conflict. He didn't like it when people would fight. It was the loud noises, he assumed. The loud noises that were even now constantly keeping him awake or startling him from his sleep. He would turn on the faucet of the bathtub and it would sound like the blades of a helicopter over a jungle. And every time he would flinch from a sound, everyone always wanted him to explain why. 

But what if he couldn't explain it? What if there were no words to explain it?

"When I look at my room I see … I see seventeen-year-old me almost dying of an overdose right here on this carpet. I see fourteen-year-old me crawling back through the window at three in the morning after some asshole slipped me a roofie and had his way with me. I see four-year-old me wetting the bed because of the ghosts. I see the mausoleum and the ghosts. I see Dad standing in this doorway and pulling me out of bed. I see me scribbling all over the walls in a frantic attempt to clear my mind. I see so much … anger and sadness and disappointment and disgust and mistakes."

He remembered feeling relieved and happy when he first came back here and slept the first night in his old bedroom after Reginald’s death. However, these positive feelings had quickly worn off after the apocalypse that wasn't. First, his room seemed to fit like an old, well-worn glove. Now the glove was itchy and filled with nails.

"You still could just change rooms. The room next to mine is still available."

They looked at each other and for the first time, Klaus knew that Ben wouldn't ask for another explanation that Klaus couldn't articulate. They both knew why it had to be this room right here. It was the room that was nestled in-between Vanya and Diego. It was the room smack in the middle of two of his siblings. It was, regardless of all the horrors, a safe place. At one side of the room, he was sharing a border with Diego and on the other with Vanya. His siblings were here. All he would need was call out and one of them would hear him and come and be there. He was safe stuck in the middle. The perfect middle child. He needed his siblings to be on either side of him. Upstairs it would only be Five and Ben. 

And, no matter the bad memories, he still remembered setting up a tin can phone with Diego when they were six or how he had listened to Vanya practice her violin through the wall. Her music always served to calm him down. He couldn't just change rooms.

"I got a second chance now and I … I’m ready to move on from this so … So, I’m gonna paint my walls and then I … I get new furniture … and I start tidying up the place."

"Really? White walls, IKEA furniture, and Marie Kondo? You are allowed to move on, be an adult, and have your room still look like your room."

"You are such a negative nancy." 

"I just don't think you would like the result and feel even more uncomfortable here. Talk to Diego, I’m sure he has ideas." They exchanged a small look and Klaus huffed then as he saw the smirk on Ben’s face. "What about the pancake dude? Have you checked your messages? Maybe he messaged you again?" 

"Gee, you're such a nosy brat." Klaus laughed but fished for his phone on the nightstand regardless. He couldn't deny that he felt a little curious himself. The conversation last night had been entertaining to him and nice. It was odd talking to a stranger on the internet who didn't just want to fuck him right away. In fact, before Dave, he had never really had a semi-normal conversation with any guy. His conversations with men had always something to do with drugs or sex or both. This guy, however, seemed to be at the same point in his life as Klaus - well, as much as that could be the case, at least.

He unlocked his screen and opened the app only to see that yes,  _ Pancakelover  _ had indeed written him another message and only a few minutes earlier. "So that man either is a mind reader or a stalker." Klaus laughed. 

"Why?"

Klaus grinned and read the message to Ben out loud: "Have you ever had the weird impulse to just start renovating your place from one moment to the next?" 

Ben rolled his eyes. "Oh God no, there’s two of them." He sighed. "Okay, I leave you alone with your weird new friend and go somewhere more interesting." 

"Don't do anything I would do. And don't do anything I wouldn't do." Klaus grinned as he waved Ben goodbye. He didn't even watch his brother disappear as his attention was already drawn back to the screen of his phone. The other man typed again. 

"Sorry, that was rather random, I guess. How was your day?"

"No, not random at all!" Klaus hurried to write back this time, charmed already by the concern of the other man and his interest in Klaus’ life. He wasn’t used to that. "Well, okay maybe kinda random but … I had the same thought just two minutes ago! So, are you a mind reader, or have you put bugs in my room and heard me talk to my brother about it right now?"

"What? No way!" His chat partner replied. "Twinsies, I guess! You have a brother?"

"Ugh, don't get me started," Klaus replied and send an eye-roll emoji. "I have a whole army of siblings."

"Wow! Older or younger?"

Well … He felt like he should be more careful how much he would tell this stranger on the internet. Not because he was particularly afraid of how the man would react but rather because he didn't want to give away who he was too quickly. They had been famous, after all. They still were famous and people still recognized them on the streets. So far, this man was just a stranger from the internet, and Klaus didn't owe him the complete truth, right?

"Both, actually." He then wrote. "I’m somewhat of the unofficial middle child but I’m the youngest brother." Which was technically correct going after their numbers and considering that Five was in his fifties. Of course,  _ technically _ , he was ten months older than Luther and Diego but his brothers would never acknowledge that fact. "But if you’d ask my family, I’m the baby." 

It was the truth, right? Even Vanya seemed fiercely protective over him these days. He didn't quite know why. The thought, however, brought a small smile to his face. He had only recently grasped that his siblings treated him like the youngest. He was used to that treatment from Diego but since they all started living together again, it had become more and more prevalent that everyone seemed to feel the same way in that regard. In an odd way, it was nice. Maybe for the first time in his life, Klaus actually felt like his siblings cared about him. In their youth, they had always disregarded him or had been annoyed by his presence in the room. It seemed different now. 

"So if I’d ever wanted to meet you in real life or maybe even date you, I would have to survive a meeting with an army of protective siblings?"

"Potentially," Klaus replied with a grin on his face. Just imagining a random guy to show up with a bouquet of roses to his house only to be interrogated by his siblings, was funny to him in a way. "But before we start dating I require dick pics for sure."

"That can be arranged ;)"

"So what about you? Do you have any siblings?"

There was a pause on the other side for a few seconds before he saw the typing bubble appear next. "I’m adopted, actually." The other man wrote and Klaus almost took a double-take. How high were the fucking chances? "But I do have a few siblings too, yes."

"Weird. I’m adopted too." Klaus replied. He didn't know why, if he was being honest. He just felt like telling this stranger the truth. And, he figured, this little fact wouldn't give away too much anyway. "Have you ever wondered where you come from?"

"Yeah…" The other man typed. "I mean, I never had a good relationship with my dad. My Mom and I have a close bond, though. I mean, sure I always wanted to know where I come from but somehow it doesn’t feel right to ask those questions, you know? Of course, I tried answering them for myself but never in front of my family. It seems like an insult to my mother and my siblings - as if I wanted nothing to do with them anymore, as if I wanted something else, as if I wouldn't love them. I love them to death, though. I guess … it's just that a part of the puzzle is missing and I can’t quite get it out of my head."

Klaus allowed his eyes to scan the lengthy answer of that stranger again and again in amazement. He wondered if that man was always this open to other people or if it were the miracles of the anonymity of online dating doing this. It was only the second time they really talked to each other and yet, Klaus already felt so connected to the other man as if he would know him. The way he talked about being adopted and wanting to know where he came from, echoed something deep within Klaus. Maybe it was a longing that all adopted children felt deep inside. Maybe he was not as alone with these thoughts as he had always thought he was. With his siblings, he had never talked about their birthmothers. It had always been some kind of a taboo in this house. It still was.

"I asked my old man once" Klaus typed back after a while of hesitation. He didn't even quite know what he wanted to say and how much he wanted to spill. This could all be just a trick and the guy some random creep but he felt safe telling him what was on his mind. 

"And? How did he react?" The other typed.

"He slapped me so hard that I lost a baby tooth."

"What an asshole."

"Daddy dearest was a sweet guy as you can imagine." 

"Fuck that guy." 

"Eww I’d rather not. I might have a daddy kink but not in that way. Well, then again I think I just realized that my daddy kink is just an expression of my deeply troubled daddy-issues."

The stranger sent a laughing emoji and Klaus chuckled in the privacy of his own messy room. Odd how natural it felt to talk to this guy. It really was nice. It felt like talking to an old friend. He wanted to keep going but he was bone-crushing tired after this day. 

Again, as if the stranger could read his mind, his next response served to surprise Klaus. "We should explore your daddy issues next time ;) Right now I feel like my eyes won’t stay open for much longer. Long day … But it's nice talking to you. Maybe until tomorrow night?"

"Same time?"

"You got it, Sunshine." 

"Sleep tight :)"

"You too :)"

He felt like the biggest idiot when he closed the app and put his phone back on the nightstand for how happy these stupid smiley-emojis served to make him. He was a grown-ass man, after all. He was almost thirty! Yet, he grinned over his whole face as he read those messages. It wasn't that late yet but the new routine made it much easier for him to go to bed early and actually rest a little while. However, this night, sleep wouldn't come to him as easily as the night before. Something was bothering him and he couldn't tell what it was. Maybe it was the ghost of the young man again who was currently sitting in Klaus’ armchair near the window. Maybe it was the cravings. 

After he had twisted and turned in his bed for an hour, he gave up and got back to his feet only to leave the room and walk downstairs. Normally, he would go straight for the bar now but instead, he headed for the kitchen. Maybe he could muffle his cravings with something sweet. Last time he checked, there were still a few of the donuts left that Five had bought the other day. As he reached the kitchen, however, his hopes were squandered.

"Awww no!" He whined out and thus startled Allison who was sitting at the kitchen table, her back to the entrance but the box of Griddy’s donuts empty before her. "I wanted to eat them to piss Five off."

"Sorry," She said in a muffled voice - muffled because she had her mouth full with delicious, delicious donut. They all knew that stolen food tasted ten times better than normal food - especially when you steal from your own siblings. 

"No, you’re not!" He sighed theatrically. "I can tell." She grinned at him in return but Klaus still sat down at the table with her. 

"Can't sleep?" Allison then addressed him with a knowing smile as she had swallowed the stolen baked goods. She said she was sorry but she didn't look very sorry or ashamed in his eyes. This woman knew no remorse for her deed. 

"No" He sighed deeply and sunk back in his chair. "I mean I’m tired as all hell but I can’t sleep. Why is my body such a bitch? What about you?"

"Same."

"Are you nervous because of your trip home to Claire?"

"Yeah, I guess that's it. You are way too perceptive for your own good now that you’re sober." She smiled and jabbed an accusatory finger at him. Klaus, however, only barked out a laugh at this. He had always seen more than most his siblings could ever hope to see - and he didn't mean the ghosts either. Growing up in this household with those people around him, his siblings, and people in general, had become easy to read for Klaus. It helped that he had learned how to be manipulative in his own right at a young age. Most of the others had always disregarded him and never taken him seriously. People tend to let their guards down when they didn't take someone seriously. People tend to show more of themselves to people they underestimated. 

"I was  _ always  _ too perceptive for my own good, dearest sister." He mocked before he reached over to her and wiped a few stray crumbs off her cheek. She repaid him with a chuckle. "The difference is only that people believe me now when I say something and don't pretend my words have no value because I am a worthless junkie gutter whore."

He shouldn't have said the last part. He should have just left it at that. He should have kept his mouth shut. That was his problem, though, wasn’t it? He was always saying the wrong things. He had no filter. No wonder his siblings hadn't been very fond of him in the past. No one was fond of a person that was always talking shit and who didn't think about what impact their words might have. Right now, that impact was that he had stunned his sister into silence, followed by Allison’s gaze dropping to the tabletop and the empty donuts box for a second. He was just about to say something, perhaps even to apologize for his words, as Allison looked at him again opened her mouth to say:

"We weren't always the nicest siblings to you, huh?"

"Nope." He made it a point to pop the ‘p’ but added with a smile: "But that's okay. We were not raised to be nice to each other. We weren't even raised to be siblings or view each other as siblings. What little sibling dynamics we developed was probably born from an inherent need for a family. That's what Ben would say, at least. Plus … I was not always the nicest person on the planet either, right? How often did I steal from all of you guys? How often did I lie and betray you all? No … It's okay. I kinda deserved you being assholes to me."

Allison sighed and reached out to him to brush gentle fingers over his cheek. He wondered if that's what she would do to Claire, if she would look at Claire like this, with such warmth and gentleness and caress her daughter’s cheek like she did his now. If she did then Claire certainly felt like she was something precious in her mother’s eye. "We both know that's not true," Allison muttered. "We were horrible to you growing up. We belittled you, didn't take you seriously, called you all kinds of names. We put so much pressure on you after Five vanished and when Ben died … I should have been a better sister to you. At least after you … After you…"

"After I tried to kill myself?"

"Yes. But I wasn't. I wanted to be a better sister. But then Dad said something about you just wanting attention and it was easier to play along and believe him. It was easier to not think for myself, to just be the picture-perfect daughter. Even when I knew that you didn't do it for attention. It was easier to pretend." 

He had never talked about his suicide attempt at the age of fourteen with anyone but Diego and Ben. Not even Dave had known about it. Between the bombs and the gunfire and the stolen moments they got together, there had been no time to pour out his heart and his dark past to his boyfriend. And he hadn't wanted to either. Dave had been pure, in a way. This relationship had been pure, in a way. Dave hadn't known about his past, about the things he had done and thus, he hadn't looked at Klaus as if he was this broken, sad, little thing that he needed to fix or understand. He had liked that.

"I never asked why you did it." Allison muttered quietly and put her well-manicured hand on top of Klaus’ goodbye hand. 

He didn't know if he wanted to tell her now either. It had been so long ago. "I … It was all just too much at that point. After Five left … Dad was unrelenting. He tormented me day in and day out - you guys tormented me. No one ever gave me a break. You all just wanted Five back. And I thought if I could just bring Five back to you guys, at least I would have done something good with my life. That's really all I wanted. I always knew that I was the family disappointment, the fuck up, the failure. You guys and Dad were all very good at showing your contempt towards me. And when I couldn't even do the one thing literally no one else was able to do … I was heartbroken. Every day became a chore that I was no longer willing to go through. I couldn't deal with the pain of being alive any longer. Every day I was terrified to come downstairs, see your guys’ accusatory stares, the disappointment on everyone's faces. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep and … I just wanted it to be over." 

His sister had tears in her eyes and Klaus didn't understand why. He could read people well enough but sometimes he was uncertain whether or not they were acting. Allison cleared her throat before asking another question.

"Was that the only time you tried to kill yourself?"

"Allie-"

"No, I want to know," Allison demanded and grabbed his hand a bit tighter. 

_ No, you don't _ . That was what Klaus wanted to say but he couldn't bring himself to say it. His siblings so often said that they wanted to know something and when he would tell them, they would freak out or be sad. However, now was that magical time late in the night when the truth came easy, whispered into the thin veil of the hours between one day and the next.

"Yeah" he gave up with a sigh. "A few times."

"A few-" She stopped herself from speaking as her throat seemed to close around the words.

"I … Uhm … I tried to overdose on sleeping pills once when we were seventeen - after Ben died. But I vomited them all out and I was embarrassed about it so I didn't try that one again." Apparently, now was the time to spill the beans, to put it all out in the open. "When I was living on the streets, I wanted to jump off a bridge but a nice police lady stopped me and bought me something to eat. I tried to hang myself in rehab at least twice but they found me too early." 

"Jesus, Klaus." She whispered but there was no accusation bleeding into her tone this time. Just sadness. That kind of mournful sadness when you learned a truth and realized that something happened over which you had no control. "When I think about how many times I nearly lost my favorite annoying little brother … I could have lost you so many times in the past and never know about it until it would have been too late. I just wished … I just wished you had known that I would have listened to you - that you had someone to talk to."

"I had Benny … and Diego. By God, poor Diego had to pick up the pieces so often in the past. He’s a saint. No matter what I did, he was there to help or to kick my ass - whatever I needed." 

"How are you doing right now?" Allison mumbled.

"Well … Doing better, I think." He gave a lazy shrug. "I never thought I would say this but being back home actually helps a lot. Having my family around me helps. Not being drunk or high all the time helps. It's so easy to slip deeper and deeper into that pitch-black hole when you are intoxicated and then you cannot find a way out on your own and the thought of ending it all makes perfect sense to you suddenly. It's a dangerous place to be in." 

"I’m proud of you, Klausie." She smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I mean … six months … That's a lot, right?"

"It feels like forty-five years!" He laughed, relieved to break the tense atmosphere between them. "But I don't miss it. I mean … yes … it would be nice if the ghosts could stop talking my ears off every once in a while but with the relaxation techniques, I learned from Vanya and me working on my powers a little more … it's bearable at least." 

"I’m proud of you," Allison repeated. "We are all really proud of you."

"Thank you." Even though it felt nice to hear it, he was getting tired of it. Most of his siblings could never understand what was going on inside his fucking head and what he was going through every day of his fucked-up existence. They told him that they were so proud of him but, at the same time, their pride conveyed a thinly veiled threat to Klaus every time. A threat that they themselves didn't seem to be aware of. To Klaus, however, it was as clear as if they would have printed it on shirts and wore them all the time around him. 

If he would slip up, if he would fuck up, if he would relapse, not only their pride in him would vanish but also their support. They were all tired of his shit. Even Ben. Next time he would slip up, even Ben would leave his side. He knew it. He could feel it.

"So you and Diego, huh?" Allison then ripped him from his thoughts with a sly smile.

"What?"

"You are training together now?"

"Yeah … he had the idea that it would help me- would help us both if we would establish new routines together, with exercise and regular meals to get me back on track and … everything." Unless it was with Diego, he wouldn't talk much about Dave with his other siblings. It just didn't feel right to him and he doubted that they would really get it anyway. Sometimes he didn't know if Diego quite got it either. 

"It's a good idea, I have to give him that - don't tell him I said that, though. We don't want his head to get any bigger or he can’t get through the door anymore." They shared a small grin that felt like it had way back when they had played salon together in Allison’s bedroom - long before everything had turned to shit. 

"Hey … about the Claire-thing" He then addressed her again because he knew that she wanted to distract herself from it. "don't be too nervous. Everything will be fine. I mean, she’s your little girl, your daughter, right? She’ll be happy to see you again, especially when you take Auntie Vanya too. And, hey, someday Claire will come here and meet all of us. I can't wait to meet her. I’ll be the best sober wine-aunt she could ever dream to have."

"Yes, I bet!" Allison laughed and brushed her hand lovingly over his shoulder. "She would love you." With those words she raised to her feet again, the crime scene left unbothered on the table.

"Oh! Forgot to tell you … I tried this dating app."

"Oh?"

"Yeah … lots of dickpics … I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing a nice cock, right? But, man, those guys were a bit much even for my very low standards."

"So no luck, I take it?"

"No … Not really. Then again, I’m not really looking for someone right now." He shrugged. "But there’s one guy … we agreed to chat tomorrow again. He seems nice. So far no genitalia, which is a win, I would say?"

"You found a gem!"

"Yeah, apparently."

"I’m off to bed now." She smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead. He wanted to say something about all the affection she was giving him tonight and how Luther could be getting jealous but he stopped his stupid mouth for once. Hey, progress. "Good night. Oh, and I saw that Five had still a few of his favorite cookies in that jar over there. If you really want to piss him off, eat those." 

**-End of Chapter 4-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think <3 <3 <3


	5. Chapter 5

The last time he had been painting a wall, he had been eighteen years old and doing community service after he had been arrested for possession. He still remembered being to slow to scramble away from the rave when the raid happened - mainly because he had been only half-conscious in a corner high off his ass on heroin. Good times. The judge back then had been tired and had still believed he could change his ways around. He had been a teenager still, barely a year away from home at that time - and a great fucking actor. 

However, looking back at his work in community service, there really hadn't been that much wall painting for his. He had been too busy blowing his probation worker to get drugs or to get away from the tedious work. 

Diego, on the other hand, seemed to have more experience with this kind of work. 

He was handling the paint roller as masterfully as he had never done anything else in his life as he painted Klaus’ walls a nice pristine white. Slowly but surely, his walls started looking like they used to before Klaus had put a permanent marker to them and before the sunlight had yellowed the paint over the years. Reginald had never really cared that much for the state their rooms were in. Certainly, in the beginning, when they were children, he had put a military-like drill upon them. Their beds had to be made, their rooms had to be in order and no personal belongings had to be out in the open. He had made it clear to them that they were soldiers and that those were not their childhood bedrooms were toys could be strewn all over the place but their places of rest and study. This had only gradually started to change after Five had been gone. Diego had been allowed his dartboard, Luther had been allowed his LPs and Klaus’ room had quickly started to deteriorate completely as fits of madness had first started to consume him completely.

Luther had helped them to push Klaus’ furniture into the middle of the room so that they could actually get to the abused walls. The next step would be to assess what he needed to be replaced and, of course, to declutter and tidy his old shit. Five had already said he would volunteer for that job and Klaus had yet to decide how he felt about that. He could very well see how Five would just throw everything Klaus owned onto a pile and set fire to it. Then again, that would be efficient.

"I could watch you for days!" Klaus laughed as he lounged on his old beanbag in the middle of the room only for Diego to flick him off.

"If you don’t get to work, I’m gonna tell Five that he can burn all your clothes! Especially the glittery ones!"

"You wouldn't!" He gasped and placed a hand on his heart in mock outrage.

"Uhu!"

"You love the glittery ones!"

"Try me, bro!"

"Okay, okay! Gee! No fun, Diego!" He jumped up from his bean bag again and grabbed the second paint roller to aid Diego in his quest to get his room presentable again. It was exhausting work and he was making only very slow progress but it had something liberating too. In an odd way, it just felt right to get rid of all this. It was like turning over a new leaf, washing himself and his room clean from the past.

"It's weird" Diego sighed when they were working side by side. It was hot and stuffy inside the room. Outside, late summer was relentless and the current heatwave had yet to pass. "Your room all tidy and neat. I don't like the thought. You should definitely keep a bit of color and crazy. Otherwise, it's no longer your room." 

"You are cute." Klaus winked at him. 

"No, I’m serious. Hey! Remember as a child how you wanted a starry sky above your bed?"

"Of course." He huffed. "You stole that kid’s magazine from the corner store with the glow in the dark stars as a gimmick for me."

"Yeah," Diego replied with a wistful little smile on his face. Their childhood had been god awful but it had not always been bad all the time. In fact, looking back on his life, the few good moments he had had in this house always seemed connected to Ben or Diego. Like that day when Diego had brought him this stupid magazine and they started putting those cheap glow in the dark stars on his ceiling.

"Sadly, they didn't really glow in the dark and Dad had Luther rip them off again but still … You think I should get proper glow in the dark stars now?"

"No, I think we should paint your ceiling like that." 

"Okay, Michelangelo, whatever you say." They shared another little smile before Klaus switched on his old stereo and went back to work. With music playing softly in the room, the work seemed a little easier. 

"Thanks for helping me," Klaus said later when the brothers sat in the courtyard with a cold drink, enjoying the afternoon sun. "I wouldn't have been able to do that alone."

"No problem. It's a nice change of pace anyway. I mean, we can't train all day, right?" He smirked. "Why did you want to renovate your room anyway?" 

"I just felt like it was time to change something, right? Not just … inside. I wanted a fresh start, I guess, get rid of the past and the memories of the room. I don't want to be reminded of the boy that scribbled all over his walls anymore." He didn't want to be reminded of the fear that had been controlling his life at every waking moment. He didn't want to be reminded of being pulled from his bed and locked into the mausoleum only to come back, his mind filled with the dreadful things the ghosts had whispered to him.

"I feel you." Diego chuckled. "I think when we are done with your room, I will do mine next. I mean, now that we live here again, we can’t keep our rooms like we left them as kids forever, right? We are adults now." 

"Hey no come on, rude!" Klaus laughed. "Speak for yourself! I’ll never grow up!" 

"You already did, Baby." Diego nudged his shoulder at that and Klaus couldn't quite deny the warmth that was spreading through him at that. Sure, Diego had always been his biggest supporter in everything he had done but some things were just different these days.

"You really think so?"

"Of course, Man. Look at you! Six months sober and willing to work on yourself and your powers. Just a year ago this would have been impossible! Fuck, I mean there have been times when I wouldn't have thought I’d see that day." Diego sighed and allowed his shoulders to drop a little. "I thought I would spend the rest of my life getting calls in the middle of the night from you asking me to pick you up or the hospital or the police. I thought I would never see the end of the endless worrying and sitting around not knowing if you were okay." 

"Can't really blame you, I guess." Klaus sighed wistfully and leaned his head on Diego’s shoulder for a moment. The work on his room had left them both sweaty but Klaus didn't mind and neither did Diego as it seemed. "I was a fucking asshole for way too many years - especially towards you. I mean I stole and lied and make you pick up the pieces."

"Yeah…" Other people might have tried to lie and act as if it was fine but Diego knew him better than anyone. They both knew that there was just no point in lying about this. "Listen, you can invite me for dinner when you get your share of the inheritance next year, okay?" 

"Okay." He huffed. "Let’s just hope that the world won't try to off itself again until then, right?"

"Deal." 

That night, Klaus slept in the living room. The paint still needed more time to dry in his room so they hadn't been able to put his furniture back where it belonged and most of his smaller pieces of furniture covered his bed right now. Diego had offered to share his bed with him like in the olden times, but Klaus had said that he could sleep on the sofa just fine - even though that put him in close proximity to the liquor cabinet. 

"Thank God I’m dead or otherwise you would’ve roped me in to help you guys!"

"Well, I could have made you corporal and train my powers to let you help but a certain ghost fucked off the moment he heard the word ‘work’." Klaus snarked with a fond roll of his eyes while Ben took his seat on the armchair close to the fireplace. "So, what have you been up to while I worked my ass off?"

"I haunted Five. It was fun."

"Was it?"

"Yeah, I made the lights flicker and pushed his pen out of reach when he wasn’t looking. He told me to fuck off at one point and so I went after Luther. Hey, did you know Luther had reading glasses?"

"What? Since when?"

"The fuck do I know? But he was wearing them when he was reading something about gardening in his room. He took them off quickly when Allison checked in on him. Oh, by the way, Allison wants to take you out shopping tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she spoke about it with Luther. I think she needs a distraction before her trip home and told Luther that you needed a new wardrobe anyway." 

"Oh, golly! Shopping trip!" 

"Apparently, Diego planted that idea. Odd, isn't it?"

"Yeah … I mean … What about our new training regiment?"

Ben shrugged. "I have no idea."

"He’s behaving weird, isn't he?"

"You mean weirder than usual? We are talking about Diego Hargreeves, after all. He is just as weird a guy as you are. I think he just tried to show that he cares and wants to make you happy." Ben huffed quietly. "He is a big softie, after all."

"Yeah, true. I should do something nice for him as well then." Klaus shrugged. "I mean, he tried so much to help me get better, right?"

"I think if you just keep up this training thing and stuff, it's enough."

"Yeah, maybe. He’s easy to please, isn’t he?"

"Unlike a certain someone."

"Wow, Benny, no need to be so harsh on yourself. You might be a spoiled princess but you are our princess."

"And that's the moment I should be headed elsewhere. You have a date anyway."

"Right!" Klaus grinned as he found his phone on the coffee table before him. "Third night in a row!"

"That usually means sex." 

"Not in my world."

"No in your world you just ignore dating altogether and go straight to sex. Anyway, have fun, sleep a bit earlier tonight, and don't forget your morning jog."

"Yes, Mom. I already put an alarm." Ben grinned and vanished into the void. After Ben vanished, he unlocked the phone and jumped into the app. For once  _ Pancakelover  _ had not yet hit him up, so it was on him this night around.

"Hey there, sweet-things! How was your day?" For a moment nothing happened even though he could see that his chat partner was already online and the longer it took the other man to answer him, the more and more nervous Klaus started to get. What if the other man had lost interest? And why was this possibility making him nervous? It was just a meaningless online conversation after all, right? Still, for some odd reason, he really didn't like the idea of this meaningless conversation to stop. It had felt nice talking to a stranger that didn't immediately want to get into his pants. To this man, he was just a random dude. Not Klaus Hargreeves, not some junkie hobo out in the streets. Just a faceless, nameless dude. It was comforting.

"Hi!" Came the reply. "My day was kinda exhausting but fun. What about you?"

"Samezies." Klaus replied quickly. "Spent the whole day painting my walls."

"Ah, so you went through with it, huh?"

"Yeah. I’m never doing that shit again. That coat of paint better stays good now for the next sixty years or something." 

"Hate to break it to ya, darlin’ but you’re gonna repaint those walls in like five years." 

"What? No way! Where’s the fun in that? You are just saying that to give me nightmares and I don’t appreciate that."

"Nah, Honey. I worked in construction before and as a custodian. You are gonna repaint those walls for the rest of your life."

"Or I could just move every time they need repainting."

"Sure. A whole lot of moving then."

"Or I need to find a nice gorgeous handsome strong athletic boyfriend who used to work as a custodian and knows how to wield a paint roller to do the job for me every couple of years while I lie in the pool with a margarita."

"So that's what you’re about huh? ;) I wonder though, if I was your gorgeous, handsome, strong, athletic boyfriend who knows how to wield a paint roller while you lie in the pool and get drunk, what would I get out of it?"

"It's pretty easy: While you would do all the hard work, I would pamper myself and ensure to be drop-dead gorgeous not only for your viewing pleasure but to thank you appropriately. Being as pretty as I am is lots of work, Babe."

"Yeah, my sister says the same thing. I guess it must be true then, huh? So … I guess in five years from now I might get a taste of that? Hmmm can’t say I’m much of a patient guy."

"But you are doing so great! Three days in a row no dick pic!"

"Yes, I am pretty cool." Klaus didn't even get the chance to answer him as the other man wrote something else. "I would really like to meet you soon, though. I know you don't really know me and all that but … I mean I enjoy talking to you and I know it's only the third day but I already feel like I know you."

He was speechless for a moment and had no idea what to write the other guy. If Ben would be here right now, he would ask him for help but his brother was gone doing fucking ghost shit somewhere else. 

"Sorry!"  _ Pancakelover  _ wrote quickly. "That was probably too much too soon, huh? As I warned you earlier, I don't have much practice with this online dating stuff. I met my last girlfriend at work and after her, there was no one else because I was so busy working all the time."

"Hey, no" He quickly replied. He knew that fear of rejection his new friend was going through and he didn't want him to feel like this or even be the cause of this. "I really enjoy talking to you too. I just … I don't know if I’m ready yet to meet in person, you know? It's … my last relationship ended very painfully and I … try to be careful. I’m not even sure if I’m ready to date anyone else yet."

"I get it." His chat partner replied. "I feel the same way. My last relationship didn't end very pretty either and I … I never really got the chance to tell her what I wanted to say. I mean … even if we would meet in person, we can always just be friends, huh? I mean, I don't even know what you look like! You could look like Shrek for all I know ;)"

"Yeah, and who tells me that you’re not looking like Gollum?"

"You got me. I am hideously ugly."

"Yeah, so am I."

"Hmmmm … Yeah, so then we really should just be friends, huh? I mean just because I look like Gollum doesn't mean I have standards, right?"

"Good that we agree on something." 

※※※※※※※

He could smell smoke. Fire was licking at his sweaty skin and burned in his nostrils. It smelled like gasoline and petroleum. He could hear the screams of the villagers as their houses and huts and everything they owned in life burned to ashes before their eyes. He could smell human flesh on fire and knew right then and there that he would never be able to forget that smell. War is an ugly thing. He knew this. He had always known it - which was why he had always been leaning towards pacifism. War was just politics by a different name and what other was politics but money speaking? 

And yet here he was. His sergeant pushed a rifle into his trembling hands and he carried one of his injured brothers along. There was a bullet lodged in his leg but he fought his way onwards through the mud and the jungle. He had to leave his fellow soldier behind in the dirt at one point. He had no longer been breathing and his dead body weighing him down.

Dave was there. He was alive and radiant. They were dancing in a club in Saigon. Dave was an even worse dancer than he was. The boy had absolutely no rhythm in his body and the stiffest hips Klaus had ever seen. Yet, he gave Klaus a twirl and made the other soldiers of their division laughed. In public, they were friends. In public, Klaus was just the class clown flirting with the whole wide world for attention. Hidden away in the darkness behind a tent or the bathroom of a club, they were lovers stealing forbidden kisses. They knew that each day, each hour, each minute could be their last and they did what they could to make it count.

Dave would whisper sweet nothings in his ear when they were alone or just hold his hand to remind him of his presence when the nightmares came back to him.

Around him in the tent, his fellow soldiers were crying or waking up screaming. The stench of gasoline was still in his nose and in his clothes. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't breathe. But Dave was there and he was alive and radiant and beautiful. Until he wasn’t.

His hands were covered in black blood and he was sitting on the bus with a suitcase in his trembling hands. Hadn't he been running just a few seconds ago? Hadn't he been on the battlefield just five minutes ago? Hadn't he been at Dave’s side just before he blinked? Hadn't he just told some crude joke? His division was dead. Dave was dead. He had seen him choke on his own blood and his cries for a medic had fallen on deaf ears because everyone else too was dead or struggling. And he had taken off running like the coward he was. He had run past Charlie who had been ducking behind a sandbag with vacant eyes and trembling limbs, his lips moving around words that didn't leave his throat, covered from head to toe in the blood of James who lay ripped to shreds at his side. He had run and then he was on the bus.

Cha-Cha was grinning down on him with a maliciousness Klaus had never known before as she pushed one of her sharply filed fingernails into the gunshot wound in his leg. Where did that come from? He had not been shot, hadn't he? The yell that tore from his throat in response didn't even sound like his own voice. Yet he screamed and screamed and he couldn't breathe.

"Klaus!" Someone was shaking his shoulder but when he opened his eyes he was greeted by darkness and the cold stone of the mausoleum. "Klaus! Wake up!"

There was a face hovering above him. Blonde hair and caring blue eyes. Dave. It was Dave. He was sure it was Dave. He was in a tent in Vietnam and the smell of gasoline was stuck in Dave’s clothes and his hair and on his skin. He could still see the burning village and the burning people. He could still hear the blades of a helicopter flying overhead. 

"Dave?" He murmured into the darkness. Someone was sitting on his chest. His skin was clammy and cold and his head was burning. He felt like vomiting but as he gagged nothing came from it. Someone was pulling him into a sitting position and into their arms. Dave was strong but he didn't remember him being so big. He didn't remember feeling like Dave would be able to crush him with his pinky finger.

"What's wrong?" There was another voice, a woman but he had no strength left to open his eyes and look around. Feeling these huge arms around him was nice. The crushing hug was grounding him in the moment and kept the puzzle pieces from falling apart once more.

"A nightmare." The person holding him said. A nightmare? No. No, this guy had no idea what he was talking about. There was a person standing right behind them as Klaus opened his eyes. Their skin was black so bad it had been burned, the white of their eyes a horrifyingly stark contrast to the charred skin. Their eyes were melting down their face and he could still smell the gasoline. A bomb was exploding right next to where he was sitting.

"It's a panic attack." Once again a new voice was mixed into the noise around him. He could hear a million voices talking all over each other but this one voice stood out clearly. "Breathe, Klaus." The voice said again. He didn't know when the other guy had stopped hugging him but he could feel the arm of someone else wrapped around his shoulders, a head leaning against his own and the familiar smell of a deodorant he used to steal when he was much younger.

Three more hours, Number Four.

The mausoleum. He was back at the mausoleum but Cha-Cha was smiling down on him and behind her, an entourage of ghosts waited for her signal so they could start ripping Klaus to bloody shreds.

"Breathe, Klaus." The voice said again through Cha-Cha’s mouth. "Stay with me. Just breathe." There was warmth in the man’s voice and when he blinked, the mausoleum was gone, Cha-Cha was gone. He didn't know where he was for a moment. He was floating in-between the worlds, in-between being awake and asleep, in-between being alive and dead. Dave was dead. He could hear him choke on his own blood. The man holding him didn't smell like gasoline or fire. "Are you back?"

He nodded slowly even though he was not sure if he was back or not. A room was slowly taking shape in front of him, peeling out of the darkness. He recognized the living room of the academy and felt panic spike for a second. Dad wouldn't approve of him falling asleep in the living room. Dad would yell at him, he would beat him and throw him in the mausoleum for his weakness.

"Welcome back." The man, Diego, mumbled close to his ear. He barely felt how his brother was gently rocking him back and forth in the gentle side-hug they shared. He allowed himself to melt against him a little more. 

"Can I sleep in your bed?" His voice was hoarse and his throat was burning as if he had screamed it raw. 

"Of course," Diego replied softly. He hardly remembered how he got from the couch to Diego’s room and it probably didn't matter either. He was still confused and his mind was still clinging to the images from his dream when he lay beside Diego, tucked neatly in-between the wall and his brother just like when they were children. Diego’s room didn't smell like fire and he didn't come with an entourage of corpses. Diego’s room was safe. 

**-End of Chapter 5-**


	6. Chapter 6

"So, Diego asked you to take me for a shopping trip, huh?" Klaus grinned playfully as they were rifling through the clothes in the store they were in. 

"I wouldn't frame it that way."

"No?"

"No. He suggested that it would be a good idea. You know, for me to get out of the house and do something to distract me from my upcoming trip to L.A. and to Claire." She shrugged. "And I said: So what? Am I supposed to hit the stores all alone? That's not very distracting, is it? And he said I could take you with me then. You needed new clothes anyway."

"What's wrong with my old ones?"

"Do you really need to ask that?" Allison chuckled.

"Uhm, rude?"

"Yeah maybe." She laughed which made his own lips quirk up into a smile. "Let’s just start with the fact that none of your clothes are actually  _ your  _ clothes." 

"So what? It's not like you have been wearing this gorgeous skirt that I’m rocking today for years. It just lay at the bottom of your closet, lonely and afraid!"

"Well, maybe because I wasn’t in town to wear it, Baby." She replied with another laugh. It was nice hearing her laugh so carefree too. Right now, it seemed like she was not beating herself up over her upcoming trip for once. "And literally the moment we all came back home, you had stolen it."

"It's a talent, Honey." She pressed a kiss to his cheek in response, making one of the girls working at the store look over to them. Maybe they were just weirded out that the Allison Hargreeves was hanging out in their shop with a guy in a skirt. So far, they had stopped at least ten times for his sister to give someone an autograph or to take a selfie with someone on the street.

Together they searched through the clothes the store had to offer. It was obvious from the moment they walked in that at least one of the saleswomen wasn’t too happy to have Klaus inside her store. Klaus was aware that it was only because of Allison that she left Klaus alone and wouldn't kick him out. He had experienced such a reaction towards him too often not to know it when he would see it. In the past, he couldn't really blame those salespeople for kicking him out or watching him like a hawk but now that he was not numbing himself to everyday life anymore, the hurt that came with being at the receiving end of this truly had an opportunity to fully sink in. Sure, he had still this heroin-chic going on when it came to his looks. He was still unhealthily thin and pale and he was still wearing the clothes  _ he  _ wanted to wear and maybe he still did not exactly like the type of person that would shop at a story like this but that didn't make the reaction of the staff any easier to accept. Maybe he was naive to think that everyone should be treated equally no matter their looks, their ethnicity, or their sexuality. No, living in the street for thirteen years, had taught him that he was indeed naive to think like that. 

There had been more than enough times, after all, when Klaus had witnessed shit like this or when he had been at the receiving end of it. More than once had he been attacked in the streets for being openly queer and even more times had he witnessed something like that.

"So, how’s the dating app going?" Allison ripped him from his depressing thoughts as she had just found a skirt to examine. The look she shot him told him clearly that she had realized that Klaus was stuck in his own head again. Maybe his siblings did know him better than he gave them credit for. 

"Well, pretty good, I would say! I’m still chatting with that one dude - still no dickpick. He seems nice. Though he already asked me to meet him." 

"Oh wow!" She exclaimed excitedly. "And do you want to?" 

"No … not yet at least."

"How did he react?" 

"Oh, pretty well, actually." He shrugged. "He understood. We have quite a few things in common so far too."

"Oh? What does he look like?"

"I don't know. He has a picture of pancakes as a profile pic."

"What?"

"Yeah because his name is  _ Pancakelover _ ." Allison gave him a strange look that he couldn't quite explain. 

"Stupid name." She then commented. "What's your name?"

" _ Wafflemaster _ ."

"Yeah, okay that might explain it." Allison laughed quietly. "So let me guess, you don't have a photo either?"

"No!" Again there was this look in her eyes that he couldn't quite tell what it was about. There was a sense of knowledge in his sister’s clever eyes as she looked at him, a smirk quirking up her lips in silent amusement. "What?"

"Nothing!" She laughed. "I’m just happy you found someone you can talk to. It’ll be good for you."

"To get over Dave?"

"No." Allison sighed quietly. Maybe his words had been a bit sharper than they had needed to be. "There is no such thing like getting over the death of someone that you loved, Baby. You loved Dave and he will forever be a part of you and there is nothing wrong about that either, Klaus. I just meant that it’ll be good for you to find your way back into life. You can not forever mourn the life you would have had with Dave - a life that wasn’t meant for you."

Allison’s eyes turned apologetic at her last words and still, Klaus wanted to shout at her for that. Instead, he took a deep, steadying breath like he was practicing with Vanya. "I have … wondered if _ I  _ killed Dave simply by being there when I shouldn't have been. That's what Five said about the Commission, right? They make sure that what needs to happen happens. I wasn’t supposed to be there so they corrected the timeline and Dave … He was just collateral for them, right?" 

"I would lie if I would claim I hadn't thought about that." Allison rubbed his shoulder and then brushed her fingers over his cheek. "And yet, it wouldn't be your fault. How could you have known?" 

"I still think about it … If it wouldn't have been for me, Dave would still be alive."

"You don't know that, Klaus. He might always have died then and there. You  _ can't  _ know it, Klaus and there is no sense in asking these questions and worrying about it so much. All it does is make you fall deeper into the hole of depression." 

※※※※※※※

Allison and Klaus returned home with full bags from various shops, laughing after hours of just enjoying each other's company. Klaus was still slurping his milkshake as they walked in through the front door only to have his brother Diego immediately come rushing down the stairs as if he had been waiting for him to return. That thought brought a small smirk to Klaus’ lips. Diego grinned as he saw him and Allison and, to Klaus' surprise, his brother looked first at his sister, who cleared her throat awkwardly. 

"Well, I think I’m gonna help Mom in the kitchen!" Allison announced and left Klaus’ side to have him stir in his confusion. However, his confusion didn't last long. One does not grow up with siblings and not know what the looks Diego and Allison had exchanged meant. It was clear to him, that the two of them had schemed. Now, he was only confused about the topic of their scheming.

He shook his confusion off, however, as he approached the stairs where Diego still waited unmoving for another moment. "You’re back already?" Diego said as a way of greeting as if he tried to play it nonchalantly and as if he had not come rushing down the stairs eager to meet him right at his return to the house.

"Already? It’s been like eight hours." Klaus responded with a good-natured chuckle as he walked up the stairs only to hold out his bags to Diego. "Carry them … or me. Whichever you prefer. My feet are killing me." 

Diego huffed with a fond roll of his eyes and took the bags from Klaus’ hands. At that, he noticed that there was paint all over his brother’s hands and arms. He quirked up his brows in question but Diego, suddenly flustered, nodded his head towards the landing. 

"Come! I have to show you something."

With that, Diego hurried up the stairs beckoning Klaus to follow him like an excited puppy wanting his bowl refilled while Klaus was dragging his feet in exhaustion. "Is it drugs?" He offered in a joke. "Or maybe prostitutes? Did you get me a prostitute, Diego?"

"Don't be a dickhead!" Diego laughed. Apparently, he wasn’t enough of a dickhead, if his brother could still find amusement in his words. He was further confused as Diego was leading him back to their rooms. In fact, Diego was leading Klaus to Klaus’ own bedroom which only furthered his endless confusion.

Diego went into the room without waiting for Klaus and as Klaus stepped inside, his brother pointed at the ceiling with a huge grin and a big "TADA!" as he revealed the starry sky that stretched all over his ceiling now. It was not some stupid glow-in-the-dark stars either, though there were a few. The ceiling was painted into a starry sky in dark blue with white stars. His eyes were drawn again to Diego’s paint-stained hands. 

Diego had painted his ceiling for him. That's why he wanted Allison to take Klaus shopping. As the puzzle pieces came together so neatly, he really wanted to kiss Diego. And certainly not in the brotherly kind of way. 

He was speechless for a few moments - so long, apparently, that Diego started to get flustered. "I shouldn't have done that." Diego suddenly blabbered and he would have probably flailed his hands if he wouldn't have held Klaus’ bags. "I-I’m sorry! I should’ve asked you first! I will repaint it tomorrow!" 

"What?" Klaus finally found his voice again. "No! No, I love it! You really did this for silly old me?" 

"Yeah … You said you wanted a starry sky … didn’t you?"

"Yeah…"

"So … you like it?"

"Yes! It's beautiful! Are you kidding me? You even painted star formation and … is that the Milky Way? I didn't know you were so fucking talented!" 

He watched amazed how the tips of Diego’s ears turned red and felt a familiar little tingling sensation in his stomach at the sight. He was thrown back to a thirteen-year-old Klaus, who had been unable to tear his eyes away from his flustered brother during one of their lessons as Diego had stuttered his way through Shakespeare. 

"You really like it? B-Because if not - It’s no trouble fixing this! I saw that there was actual wallpaper with galaxy stuff and shit. Perhaps we could just put that up then!"

"You will not touch my gorgeous ceiling, Diego Hargreeves!" Klaus laughed and kissed his brother’s stubbly cheek. "It's perfect! So that was why you wanted Allie to kidnap me! You wanted me out of the house!"

"I also wanted you to have nicer clothes." Diego huffed. "I thought she could buy you new clothes after ignoring all of us for over a decade."

"You are a fox." 

"I hope you maxed out all her credit cards?"

"I’ll have you know that I was very well-behaved today." Klaus chuckled and held his milkshake up so that Diego could get a sip through his straw. Behind this macho ‘my body is a temple’ bullshit, he was still only just a little boy who got smiley pancakes from his mother and enjoyed sweets a little too much. "So no training today, huh?"

"You need to take it slow at the start and you need cheat days every once in a while. So no. No training today. But I talked with Vanya and we decided to have a movie night tonight. You know, because she and Allison will leave tomorrow for L.A. and all that. I mean, they will come back in two weeks but Luther is apparently not taking it too well."

"Surprise, surprise." Klaus huffed. "Sounds good though. But first, I need a long hot bath. This day was quite exhausting."

"Let me shower first." Diego laughed. "Before all the hot water is gone."

"You know it would be much more economically friendly if we would bathe together like when we were children."

"And much more physically awkward too."

"Oh, don't be such a prude! I’ve seen you naked! And you've seen me naked too! Numerous times!"

"No, I mean because of the space. How are we supposed to both fit in the same tub? We are tall motherfuckers."

"That I will have to agree with you on." Klaus hummed. "Well, you could always sit behind me. You always liked being the big spoon."

"And I’m out!" Diego laughed and placed Klaus’ bags carefully on the floor before escaping the room and Klaus’ advances. He looked after Diego for a moment before he scooped his bags up again and walked over to his bed. His eyes were drawn back up towards the ceiling. 

"He really outdid himself, huh?" Ben grinned from where he sat perched on his desk. He needed to have a very stern talk with his brother about his constant sneaking up at him when Klaus least expected it. One moment there was no one there and the next Ben would sit somewhere he was not supposed to sit. 

"Yeah." Klaus huffed in response. "I didn't think he even listened to my ramblings?"

"Of course, he didn't listen to your ramblings." Ben rolled his eyes. "Because it's not like he’s over the moon for you or hanging onto you every word."

"Oh, shut up." Klaus laughed. "He’s not! He just wanted to be nice and probably distract himself from everything."

"Yeah, sure." Ben rolled his eyes. "I mean, I too would spend an entire day sweating my ass off while it's a million degrees out to paint my totally platonic best friend’s ceiling just to be nice after he randomly said that he liked to have a starry sky. Completely normal." 

"Wow, you are so sassy today." Klaus sighed. "What's up with that? Did your ghost boyfriend break up with you?" 

"So what's going on with your secret online boyfriend?" Ben replied with a sly grin. The way he looked at him reminded him of the way Allison had looked at him earlier. Something was weird but Klaus couldn't put his finger on it yet.

"He’s a nice dude." He sat down on his bed heavily just to get off his hurting feet for a moment. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom opposite of Klaus’ bedroom. "I don't know, it's easy to talk to him. It feels like I already know him, you know? Like an old friend you just started talking to again and just continue where you left off. Maybe it's because we don’t actually see each other but talk over the internet."

"Are you going to meet him soon?"

"No … it doesn't feel right, you know?"

"Because of Dave?"

"Sure. But also … usually, I haven’t fared well when I rushed into things, you know?"

"Yeah, I remember. I was there." Ben sighed. "Grant?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah, but he was an asshole," Ben commented dryly. Ben who had been there along the way, who had seen every mistake Klaus had made, warned him again and again about dangerous men he wanted to hook up with. Ben had known that Grant was bad news right from the start. 

"Who’s to say this stranger is not an asshole either?" Klaus sighed quietly. "I mean … Grant seemed so nice too, right? He was the perfect Prince Charming when we first met in that bar and then he turned into Mr. Hyde."

"You can never be sure that something like this won’t happen again," Ben replied calmly. "That's just life. There is no guarantee, right? I guess what I’m saying is that you should just trust your gut. Your gut will tell you what to do now that you are no longer drugged out of your goddamn mind too."

"Oh, Benny … You have such a way with words. Truly, you are a savant."

"I know."

※※※※※※※

When he fell into bed later that night surrounded by the creaking and groaning of the house around him, he couldn't help but grin at his ceiling. Even in the half-light of his fairy lights hanging around the room his new ceiling looked gorgeous. He could quite possibly spend hours and hours just gazing up at the stars above him now whenever sleep would be evading him. 

His heart was still pounding a bit quicker as he was looking up at those stars that Diego had painted for him.  _ For him _ . How odd. He had done that for him. Diego was doing many things for him specifically. He was trying to get Klaus out of his depressed black hole, out of his grief while Diego himself was lost in his own grief, unable to climb out of that all-consuming supermassive black hole. He wished there was something he would be able to do for his brother in return. But what could there possibly be for him to do when it was him who had caused Patch’s death? Then again, it hadn't been him calling her to the motel, right? She had walked in on this mess all by herself, right? She was a cop. Thus was the danger of her profession. 

His phone vibrated next to him on the nightstand with a new message and he scrambled immediately to read it. It was from his new friend who asked:

"Hey Gorgeous, did you have a nice day?"

He couldn't help the ridiculously stupid smile that crawled up on him. They didn't know each other and yet this man calling him gorgeous made his heart flutter as if he was still just some stupid teenager experiencing his first flirt. 

"It's getting better and better by the minute ;)" He replied quickly. "So how was your day?"

They were asking each other about their days. It was oddly domestic for two people who had never seen each other nor heard each other's voices and only started chatting four days ago. Yet, it was true what he had told Ben. He felt like he already knew this man. He felt comfortable talking to him like this. Perhaps because there were no repercussions to what he was doing if he didn't want that. It would be easy to just block the other person and forget about all of this. It gave him a sense of freedom that he had never known from his usual encounters out in the streets. Whenever he had brushed someone off rudely out there in the wilderness and went his merry way, more times than not, he would have gotten his ass handed to him in return for sure. And it was easy talking about his day, talking about the day his new friend had. The conversations they held were not loaded with old grief or with disappointments from the past. He could talk to  _ Pancakelover  _ and he would not be the junkie that stole from his family.

"Exhausting!" The other typed. "I did a bit more work around the house today. Took me the entire day."

"Well, was it worth it?"

"Definitely!" 

"So tell me your deepest darkest secret," Klaus demanded out of the blue and was surprised by his own brazenness.

"My deepest darkest secret?" There was a long pause before the other person typed again. "I am almost thirty years old but I still love it when my Mom makes me pancakes. She makes little smiley faces with blueberries and stuff."

"Oh, so you’re a momma’s boy, huh?" Apparently, he had a type. His thoughts were instantly drawn back towards Diego, who still grinned like a little boy whenever their mom would make pancakes for him. It was such an innocent expression on Diego’s always stoic face. He had always loved seeing him smile like this.

"Guilty as charged. And you? Mommy’s boy or daddy’s little angel?"

"Neither." He replied truthfully. "I should tattoo ‘Daddy Issues’ on my forehead and my mom … well, we were never that close. Sometimes I wished I would know who my real mother was but I guess it's better not to know."

"So you never looked for her, apart from that one time you asked your dad? Don't you know anything about her?"

"I know that she’s from somewhere in Europe. But that's about it."

"So she never wanted contact either?"

"No. My dad never talked about it after he slapped me that one time but I guess that my real mom just didn't want anything to do with me. All I know is that my birth and the general circumstances of me being here must have been very traumatic for her so … Well, I guess I can’t really blame her for not wanting anything to do with me then. She probably just wanted to forget that I exist." 

"That's rough, man." The other replied. "Do you wish it would be different? I mean, do you sometimes wish you would know where you came from? Maybe even get in contact with your real mother?"

"Sometimes, yeah. It was worse when I was younger, I guess. When I was a teenager, I just didn't fit into this family I have. I stuck out like a sore thumb and it was exhausting. I just wanted to find a place where I belong, my real family, perhaps. But now as an adult, I would be more afraid of what finding my mother would entail, you know? What if she doesn't want me? What if she would hate me the moment she saw me because I reminded her of all the bad shit in her life? I guess now that I am all grown up, I am too afraid because I have seen so much shit."

"I feel you." The other typed. "I tried finding my mother once. I was eighteen at the time and had a few friends in legal positions so I thought maybe they could help me find her, right? They did their best but with the scarce information that I had there wasn’t much that they could do."

"So you never got any hint?"

"I got a list of names, actually. Quite a few women who would fit the profile. I visited three of them but I chickened out every time. Two of them I saw near their houses. I still remember it. One was tending to her flowers outside and one was playing with a little girl. And I thought to myself: What right do I have to march up to them and destroy the life that they had crafted? Clearly, they didn't want me at the time and so with what right would I now force them to meet me?"

"We are quite messed up, aren’t we?"

"Maybe. But I guess the best people are, right?" 

"Sure but when you’re messed up you tend to attract people that go for people like that. We are easy prey for assholes of all variety."

"So a few less than awesome boyfriends in your past I take it?"

"Quite." 

"I hope at least one of your siblings took over quality control then by now. I mean, I couldn't imagine standing by and watching my younger siblings going from one bad relationship to the next. I would beat the living shit out of anyone who would dare hurt them." 

"My siblings weren't around for these things. I left the nest the first chance I got and stumbled through life from then on. I hadn't much of a relationship with most of them ever since. Though we are slowly getting back together as a family now. It's nice. I guess now they would rip everyone to shreds who would try any funny business with me." 

"Well, it's like you said the other day: You are the baby."

"I sure am."

**-End of Chapter 6-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think <3 <3 <3


	7. Chapter 7

Klaus woke up at four in the morning because of the wailing of some ghost standing directly next to his bed. However, just because he woke up at four, didn't mean he would actually  _ get  _ up. He had one hour left before he would go out for his morning run with Diego but his body felt like led. He wasn’t sore or anything. He just felt heavy and unable to move a muscle. He wasn’t even able to turn around in bed and pull his pillow over his ears to drown out that fucking rude ghost. He had no energy to do anything and he felt like the necklace he wore became tighter and tighter around his throat with each passing second now. He couldn't even do anything about it. 

Suddenly, he was out of bed, however. He didn't know how or why, he just was. He watched himself put on some pants and shoes and leave his room, watched how he walked down the hallway, the stairs, and out of the mansion into the early morning hours. Before he knew what he was doing, he was outside and felt, finally, like he could breathe again.

For the first time in what felt like months, there was no one watching over him, no one hovering. Sometimes the house was suffocating to Klaus and he felt guilty for even thinking like that. His siblings cared about him, after all. They just wanted him to be safe and healthy. They loved him and yet, sometimes their love was just so draining that he felt like he needed to escape

And right now he felt like he needed to walk and be far away from the house and his family. However, there was just one member of his family he never seemed able to escape. Not that he wanted to but ... still.

"Where are you going? You aren’t gonna do anything stupid, right?" Ben asked as he was trailing after him. 

"Aren't I ever?"

"Klaus, talk to me."

"I’d rather not, Benny. The whole point of me being out here is so that I won’t need to talk."

"Okay, then we don't talk. What are we not talking about?" 

"We are not talking about how annoying you are." Klaus growled. "We are not talking about how everyone always hovers and looks at me like I’m about to relapse. We are not talking about how I feel like I’m suffocating when I’m in there. We are not talking about … about how much of an asshat Dave is for not showing his ugly mug to me!"

"Okay, I’m glad that we are not talking about it. Because if we were talking about it, I would have to say to you that you are the biggest idiot for saying these things about Dave and our siblings."

"Oh, am I? And why?"

"Because a) our siblings are not  _ hovering  _ or thinking that you are about to relapse and b) Dave probably didn't show himself because it's better this way. Because listen: after everything I know about him from your stories, Dave loved you and when you love someone, you want the best for them and you want that they have a proper life and find love and happiness and you can’t do that if he hovers around you all the time."

"Bullshit," Klaus growled. "All of this. I am done with this shit!"

"And what are you going to do now?"

"What I should've done a long time ago! What everyone thinks I’m gonna do anyway! I’m gonna find one of my old dealers and get wasted."

"Fuck you, Klaus!" Ben’s hand suddenly collided with his shoulder and turned him around violently. He hadn't even noticed how his flaring emotions had set off his powers and manifested Ben. "Fuck you! Do you really want to be so fucking weak? And why? Because you are a bit sad now? What about Diego? Have you forgotten your pact?"

"He doesn't need me! And this thing we do doesn't work! Obviously!"

"Do you want to know how I see things?"

"No, because we are not talking about it, right?"

"Well, I think that this right here is you making real progress!"

"Maybe  _ you  _ are the junkie."

"No, you are angry! Anger is one of the stages of grief! You need to be angry! And Diego is angry too! Together you can work through that!" 

"Maybe I don't want to work through that, Ben!" Klaus finally erupted and shoved his dead brother back at his shoulders. It was odd how little effort it took him these days to make his brother corporal. In the beginning, it had taken so much more focus and energy. Now he barely noticed it. "Maybe I just want to be angry!" He shoved him again and Ben nearly lost his footing. "Maybe I am angry at Dave for dying! At Five for causing all this fucking mess! At the others for not fucking noticing that I was gone for nearly two fucking days! And I’m angry at you for always acting like you are morally superior to me!" 

"I’m not!" Ben argued back right away. "I’m just trying to make sure that you stay safe! I spent years trailing after your sorry junkie ass, Klaus! Do you think it was easy for me to watch you go through all of the messed up shit you did? Don't you get how much it fucking  _ hurt  _ to see you overdose in some fucking alley or being beaten up by some asshole? Have you ever once stopped to fucking consider how I was feeling during all of this? Every time you overdosed, I was terrified you would die, and then what? Every time you went to rehab, I thought and hoped that this time it would stick! I was there, right at your side for thirteen god damn years and watched how you continued to throw your life away again and again! And you don't get to yell at me or shove me or say these things to me now!"

Ben shoved him back so hard, that Klaus actually landed on his ass right at the side of the road, the wind knocked out of him. 

"And you don't get to break your promise to Diego either! Because guess what, asshole! He came to your aid more times than he should have! More times than any reasonable person would have! He came to the hospital every time you got in trouble! He bailed you out with what little money he had every time he could. He took you in, treated your wounds, bought you food, made sure you were warm and safe! The woman he loved died because she wanted to help you! You will not throw away the progress you made and you will not do this to our brother or God help me, I’ll rip your head off! Diego has been through enough already now! He fucking painted your fucking ceiling into a starry sky just to make  _ you  _ happy! So get your act together!" 

He was stunned into silence by this outburst of his dead brother. Ben, who was usually reserved and quiet, though undeniably bitchy and sarcastic at times, never really yelled at him, nor had he ever attacked Klaus in any form. Except for that one time when they were ten and he had glued Ben’s hand with superglue to his spoon. Ben had then proceeded to hit him with said spoon until Diego had come to his rescue and manhandled Ben away from him. There was no Diego to manhandle Ben away from him now. 

"Gee" He managed to get out quietly. "Okay … Okay, Benny."

"Okay?"

"Okay." He sighed and held out his hand. Ben grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Okay. You are right. It's just … I had … I don't-"

"You flipped out." Ben shrugged. "You were angry and overwhelmed and you lashed out. That's okay. That's good even. It's progress. And you need to get angry and lash out more often. You are too docile and nice most times. You allow people to walk all over you. So, be aggressive and angry but be so in a safer way and environment."

"And how am I gonna do that?"

"Go to the gym and use Diego’s punching bag. It's still downstairs. Or ask one of the boys to teach you."

"You know what I would like?"

"Drugs?"

"Yeah, that too." Klaus then sighed in defeat. He wondered if the cravings would ever stop. "But no. I would like to make breakfast today. To thank Diego." 

"You are too soft for your own good, Klaus." Ben chuckled quietly at that. 

"I know." He sighed. "But right now there is no anger left. It's all like:  _ poof  _ and gone. I feel … tired."

"Then go home and make breakfast." 

※※※※※※※

He found Klaus’ bedroom empty. He had expected to find Klaus still in bed but he wasn’t there and for some stupid reason, Diego felt his heart drop at the discovery. It was silly, of course. His brother could be anywhere right now. He was probably in the bathroom or downstairs. Still, there was this nagging voice in the back of his mind reminding him that Klaus might as well be outside somewhere, giving into temptation and throwing away all the progress that he had made. The progress that  _ they  _ had made.

His mood was soured by the empty bed before him and he couldn't quite describe what made him so angry, in the first place. Slowly, he turned away from the bedroom and made his way down the hall. As he walked downstairs, he could already smell the tantalizing smell of bacon sizzling in a pan. He expected to find his mother at the stove but when he entered the kitchen, it was Klaus who was standing by the stove, already dressed and ready for the day with Mom’s pink apron on. 

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, Honeybear?"

"Looks like you’re trying to cook."

"What you mean  _ trying  _ to cook? I  _ am  _ cooking!"

"Yeah so … the eggs are burned."

"Only a little." Klaus huffed with a lopsided little smirk. "They still taste good."

"Where’s Mom?"

"Dunno." He shrugged. "I told her that I wanted to make breakfast today."

"Why?"

"I … Uhm … Wanted to say thank you for yesterday." Klaus muttered quietly and suddenly he seemed even a bit flustered. The tips of his ears had started turning red, a cute little detail Diego had always been mesmerized by when it came to Number Four. He remembered the way he had smiled yesterday when he had seen his new ceiling and couldn't help but smile at the memory and Klaus’ little gesture.

"You wanted to thank me?"

"Sure!" Klaus quickly turned his attention back to the stove where he tried saving the food he made. "I mean … it's the least I can do, right? You spent all day yesterday with my ceiling and I … It's just not something most people would do. So … Thank you."

"Anytime." He gave a nonchalant little shrug of his broad shoulders, trying to ignore the way his stomach fluttered just because of the way that Klaus would look at him. He was treading dangerous territory already and he knew it. After all, so many years ago, there had been a time when he had been so close to overstepping that line in the sand. Back then, he could have argued that he had just been a stupid horny teenager but now he was an adult of almost thirty years. The line in the sand was now a barbwire fence and he needed to be careful not to get hurt by it.

"So … okay, sit down. Let me serve you your breakfast!" Klaus ushered him away from the stove and Diego was happy to oblige with a little smile.

"You are not getting out of training with me, though."

"I’m not planning to." He huffed as he began shoveling the food on two plates and arranging it nicely. "In fact" He chimed up again and tried to sound as chipper and playful as humanly possible despite the fact that Diego could see very well through all that and knew already that there was something going on with his adopted brother that Klaus seemed unwilling to address. "I wanted to ask you to spar with me later. Ben said it was a good idea to get my anger issues under control."

"You?  _ Anger issues? _ You are the most pacifistic chill dude I have ever known." Which was, honestly, a little problematic all things and especially their upbringing considered. He doubted that one would fare too well on the streets with an attitude like his brother used to portray in the past. Love and peace usually don't get you very far in life and especially not when it comes to the survival on the streets. 

"That was before ‘Nam, though, Honey." 

Vietnam, yes. The thought that his baby brother had fought at the front lines still kept him up at night sometimes. It was a horror to think about the fact that someone had pushed a rifle into Klaus’ hands and shoved him into the frays of a war.

"You never talk about Vietnam." He said, perhaps not very tactfully, as Klaus paused before setting down the plates on the table. He had arranged the food to form little smiley faces like Mom usually did. "I’m sorry … That's…"

"No, it's okay. Maybe I  _ should  _ talk about it more." Klaus muttered and sat down opposite of him. "I mean … to get over it, I guess. I just don't know where to start. It was a mess when I first landed there, with that suitcase still in my arms and only in a bloody towel after those freaks have tortured me for so long, right? Right when I landed inside that tend, the alarm was going off and the sergeant was yelling at me to get dressed."

He didn't even know if he really wanted to hear that story. There was so much guilt he felt hearing all of this. And yes, maybe it was a little egoistic of him to feel like this.

"Someone gave me a pair of pants and I just went with it. I had no time to think, didn't understand where I was, or when. I was terrified when I finally realized what happened. But Dave was there and that somehow made it all a little less scary right from the start. He just … He had this way of talking to you and looking at you that made you feel safe. With him there, it almost didn't feel like I was in the middle of a war zone, right? He taught me everything and we became quite the team. Let me tell you, if Reggie would have seen me there, he would have been proud." 

"I still can't believe it." Diego sighed as he started to dig in. "I mean … when I think about you being there, I feel like my heart is stopping. I should've been there for you, protected you. At the very least, I should've noticed your absence and found you sooner. I mean, if I had noticed…" If he had noticed, Eudora would still be alive and Klaus would not suffer from PTSD from being in one of the worst wars in history. Sure, he would have never met Dave either but … Maybe that wouldn't have been the worst thing. It would have spared Klaus much pain, at the very least. "Do you regret it, though? Being thrown into this mess?"

"I don't know," Klaus replied honestly. "Sometimes, yeah. But then again … I got clean after I came back and I learned so many things I wouldn't have learned otherwise and … Dave … I don't regret falling in love with him. Never. I just wished … I wished I could’ve said goodbye to him. I wished he would have shown himself at least once to me … And I could do without the war flashbacks, you know?" 

"Got ya"

"How are the eggs?"

"Burnt." Diego chuckled. "But it's good." 

"You are a bad liar, Dee." Klaus laughed. "It's absolutely disgusting."

※※※※※※※

It was still hot outside when they sat on the windowsill of the attic window where Klaus had sat to smoke weed all those years ago. The sweat on his skin had become cold and made his skin clammy but he felt positively exhausted and relaxed now that he sat beside his brother who seemed equally exhausted. 

"You are starting to get the hang of it" Klaus teased and took a sip from his coke. "Soon, you will be able to form into a proper pretzel."

"Like you?" Diego huffed. "We should go to the circus then. ‘The amazing Hargreeves brothers and their contortionist act’."

"Yes, that sounds like fun. I always wanted to become a snake lady."

"You would look ravishing in a snake-print leotard."

"Right? Thank you. At least someone can appreciate my body. Ben always just covers his eyes and yells  _ ‘My eyes! My eyes! Oh God, my eyes!’  _ when I’m wearing something scandalous." 

"I like it when you’re wearing scandalous things."

"So it's doing it for you, huh?"

"It makes you you." Diego shrugged with a teasing smile. They sat shoulder to shoulder, Diego’s body heat was seeping into his own skin and he liked being this close to the other man. It reminded him of how close they used to be as children. He could talk to Diego in a way he could talk to no one else in his family. He could flirt and tease and make stupid remarks without it having to mean anything or without it carrying the risk of destroying anything between them. There was a trust, a deep understanding, that only the two of them seemed to share.

"I almost relapsed this morning." Klaus then confessed quietly as he looked out upon the city. "I don't know why … I was just … so angry and agitated and I wanted out and get high. If it hadn't been for Ben I would have done it."

"I know."

"You knew?"

"I’d seen it in your face this morning." Diego shrugged. "You can't hide shit like this very well."

"The others never noticed."

"They don't know you as well as I do." He just said it like it was a fact, with such conviction that it was easy to believe him. 

"Sometimes I feel like you and Ben are the only two people who truly ever knew me. I mean … even with Dave. I loved him and he loved me but … he didn't know me like you do. He knew only parts. The ugly things, I kept from him as much as possible. He never saw the whole picture. There wasn’t enough time."

"Eudora did" Diego muttered. "She did see the full picture. She knew me for years, after all. She never said anything and for the longest time, I didn't think she saw it but now I know that she did. She knew everything. The good, the bad, and especially the ugly. And she never said anything about it as if it didn't matter to her. Or maybe it did matter and that was why we wouldn't work out. She could see right through all my bullshit. And I think, Dave probably did so too but he never said anything because he loved you regardless of the bullshit."

He was quiet for a moment. Thinking about Dave never became easier it seemed but it started to hurt less. He hadn't quite realized that until now. Not even half a year had passed but right now, he didn't want to bawl his eyes out.

"What did you like about her?"

"Oh … Uhm … I don't know."

"Nice legs? Cute butt?" Diego laughed at that as if he had just made a joke that he himself didn't even really get. Well, he was happy to hear him laugh.

"Sure but … she believed in people, you know? Regardless of the crap she saw out there, she believed that there was still good in people and that they could still change. She was kind and loving, always knew what to say or do to help people. And she never made a big thing out of it either. You didn't really notice how she helped you until you would look back on it. In that regard, she was kinda similar to you."

"To me?" Klaus huffed. "Since when do I help people?"

"You helped me." Diego shrugged. "A lot, actually. Just the fact that you are here now and listen to me being a pussy, helps." 

The burn of unshed tears was quite distracting but Klaus quickly wiped his eyes and tried making it look like he was just wiping sweat off. Diego could probably tell but he was nice and macho enough not to say anything. So, with a sigh, Klaus leaned his head on Diego’s shoulder. 

"You really are being a pussy right now."

※※※※※※※

"I know it's maybe a bit rushed and I know I already asked you ... but I really want to see you in person soon."

The words just sat there on the screen of his phone. Klaus stared at the message on his phone for what felt like hours as he was sitting on his bed with a pillow comfortably in his back. He could hear music coming out of Diego’s room right next to his own. He would only need to lean his head back against the wall to listen to it. Ben sat on the ground with a comic in his hands, glowing a soft blue.

"He wants to meet me." Klaus addressed his dead brother. 

"The internet guy?"

"Yeah."

"So?" Ben didn't even have the fucking common decency to look at him while they were talking. If he wouldn't know any better, he would say his brother had been raised in a barn. 

"What do I tell him? I can't just meet him already … It's only been what? A week?"

"Do you like him, though?"

"He’s nice," Klaus muttered. "I like talking to him."

"Do you think it could work between you guys?"

"Well, without having seen him…"

"Yeah, but you like his personality, don’t you?"

"Yes … I mean, I’m always looking forward to his messages and he seems so familiar. And … what harm would there be in meeting him, right? I could just see him and maybe we don’t even like each other in person."

"You are afraid that  _ he  _ won’t like you in person."

"No! I mean … Why would I?"

"Because you care about the guy. It's easy to see." As Ben finally looked at him now, there was this glint in his eyes that he only knew from the times when Ben and he would play pranks on their siblings.

"So, what do I tell him?"

"Tell him to give it another week and then you’ll plan a meeting." 

"You know, sometimes I miss the old Klaus." Klaus sighed and leaned his head back. He listened to the soft sounds of the Latin pop Diego was listening to. He needed to have a stern talk about stereotypes with his brother soon. "Sometimes I miss going out to the club and hooking up with some random guy and not think about it too much."

"Well, you know … What about you and Diego anyway?" The question came so out of the blue that it almost gave him whiplash. However, Ben didn't falter as Klaus looked at him in confusion. 

"What about me and Diego?" 

"You can't tell me that you are not having the hots for him again." Ben rolled his eyes. How dare he.

"I don't."

"You are not feeling any tingles around him?" His brother was relentless in his teasing and Klaus was almost a bit alarmed because of it. 

"Ben … that was years and years ago!"

"Yeah, but you really loved him back then."

"I still do."

"You know what I mean." Ben sighed and threw his comic at Klaus. "I remember it, you know? That was not just some teenage crush back then. And if it hadn't been for Dad..." 

"So, what are you telling me, Ben? Should I hook up with the internet guy or with Diego? Which one is it, Benny?" He rolled his eyes as Ben snorted at his comment. "Because, if you haven’t noticed it, Diego is straighter than an arrow and he would never see me like this! So even if I do like him like this, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship so recklessly! He needs me to be his friend right now! He needs me to be there for him and listen to him and not to make everything even more confusing by making googly eyes at him!"

"So, you admit that you like him like this."

"I want to talk to my lawyer."

"Have you not realized how much he is flirting with you lately?"

"What? He isn't. That's just stupid brotherly banter." 

"Calling your butt nice? I never called your butt nice or encouraged you to wear a leotard."

"Because you are a rude bitch and not a very supportive brother, my dear tentacle monster." 

"I’m telling you! He’s into you!"

"Even if it were true - which it isn't - what would I tell the internet guy then? ‘Oh sorry, we can’t meet, I decided to fuck my brother instead’?"

"You really care about that dude, aren’t you?"

"Of course, I am! He’s been through enough already and he’s a really nice guy, Benjamin! I just don't want to hurt him - or anyone."

"Ah, now I see. It's a love triangle situation. It's the age-old question which one to choose. Because, the obvious answer would be Diego, of course, but if that won’t work out, it could ruin the entire family, right? And if you choose the other guy, it might ruin the entire family too because Diego might be hurt."

"You are not very helpful."

"I know. Just do what I said earlier and you should be golden, Baby."

**-End of Chapter 7-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think <3


	8. Chapter 8

He woke up covered in sweat. That was not necessarily something new, of course. However, the images of his dream were still clinging to his mind and although they too were not new, it was a change of pace that he woke up sweaty not because of a nightmare right now. It had been months and months, years perhaps, since he had been shaken awake sweaty not from a nightmare. Even before Dave and Vietnam, he had more than enough trauma to feed his unconsciousness with new nightmare fuel on a daily basis. 

As he lay in bed now, however, and stared at his beautifully painted ceiling, he could still see his dream clearly - so clearly he almost felt as if he was really there. When he closed his eyes, Diego would still be on top of him, sweat running down his temples, a wicked little grin playing on his face as he pounded into him. The heels of his feet were digging into the small of Diego’s back as his blunt nails were raking down those strong, broad shoulders.

He opened his eyes again, aware of the stickiness between his legs and happy that he couldn't see Ben anywhere right now. "Jesus Christ…" He muttered quietly and slowly. It had been a while since he had a dream like this. It was certainly not the first time, however, that he had dreamed about Diego like this - not by a long shot. Slowly, he dragged his right hand down his naked chest and stomach before he shoved his fingers underneath the waistband of his briefs. It was too hot to sleep in anything more than briefs at the moment - which was probably why Ben was staying away from his room at night as much as possible. 

The visions from his dream were still playing in front of his eyes as he wrapped his fingers around his half-hard cock. Just as he did that, he noticed sounds coming from the other side of the wall and paused at the realization. The sounds were quiet at first but then he realized that it were soft moans coming through that wall between his and Diego’s bedroom. And, fuck, didn't he know those sounds! He remembered lying in bed all hot and bothered when he had first heard those sounds on the other side of that wall as a teenager, imagining how his adopted brother was jerking himself off just inches away from him. It had done it for Klaus then and it was doing it for him now. 

The soft moans that came from the other side of the wall only fueled the images from the dream he had had. He allowed his fingers to take up a faster pace as he let them dance over his shaft, imagining that it were Diego’s calloused fingers actually doing all the work. He bit down on his bottom lip to stifle his own groans of pleasure that threatened to spill over. After all, the walls were thin and he didn't want Diego to hear him and know what he was doing. It was the thrill of doing something forbidden and dirty that made it all the more pleasurable and sweet. 

Right now, he refused to think about anything else but the pleasure that was building up inside of him. The images of his dream came back with more force now and the fantasy of Diego thrusting into his strung-out body underneath the starry sky he had painted for Klaus added fuel to the fire. Guilt and shame had no place in his mind at that moment in time. Guilt and shame were strangers to him now as he was kicked over the edge with an intensity that Klaus had not felt in a long time.

As he came in his own fist, he quickly held his mouth shut with his other hand to keep any sounds from spilling, just as he heard Diego reach his climax as well, trusting that everyone was asleep and wouldn't hear him. Usually, Klaus wouldn't have had a problem with anyone hearing him but right now, while Diego was jerking off in the next room? No.

"Fuck…" He muttered quietly as he pulled his sticky hand out of his briefs and wiped them off on his sheets. Well, he would need to change them anyway. For just a moment, he allowed himself to enjoy the afterglow, trying to catch his breath, his mind blissfully quiet and empty for just these few seconds. However, the quietude of his mind didn't hold for long. His mind had the tendency to be loud and obnoxious and demanding of his attention just like the ghosts that were typically around him. 

A few months ago, he had used drugs to silence both his mind and the ghosts and much longer before that, he had used sex for the same effect. Whenever his blood was boiling in his veins like lava, whenever his heart was racing in his chest so fast that he was afraid it would break free from its cage, his mind had been empty and quiet and the world around him free from nightmarish ghouls that were always hovering in his periphery. He had gone down on his knees for strangers in alleys just to silence the voices and his own mind - because his mind, in all cruelness this world had to offer, was much more violent and much more dangerous than any other place he could possibly be. However, the blissful silence that would come with sex or drugs would never last long. Shame, guilt, and disgust would always find a way back to him and, more often than not, stronger than before. For whenever they would find him again, they would have found more fuel inside of his own mind to use against him.

Even now, as he laid in his own bed, staring at his own private night sky, trying to get his breathing back under control and relishing in the sweet tingles that only orgasm could give him, the feelings of guilt and shame and disgust in himself came crashing back down on him. 

The good feeling he had had just now was quickly snuffed out once more like a candle in the wind - No, more like someone had put a bell jar over a flame perhaps. Had he really just jerked off to the sounds of his brother jerking off next door? It seemed wrong. Not the jerking off to his brother thing but in a way using his brother’s pleasure next door to find pleasure himself. It was dirty and wrong. Diego had probably thought about Eudora and he had tarnished it like that. Never mind the fact that he should have been jerking off to the fantasy of Dave! He should have  _ dreamed  _ about Dave! He hadn't, though. For the longest time, he had not dreamed about Dave. No nightmares about Dave’s death, no pleasant memories about hot, sweaty nights in clubs in Saigon, or stolen kisses behind a tent in the jungle. Instead, he had had a wet dream about his best friend who was sleeping in the room right next door like it meant nothing - like he still was just a horny teenager!

He felt disgusted with himself as he got out of his bed, grabbed his phone from his nightstand, and stumbled out of his room. His path led him to the next bathroom and he quickly started running a bath. He found his old walkman on the windowsill right above the tub. He cursed under his breath as he found the old thing. His mind was so scattered lately that he had forgotten the walkman after his last bathtub session and then spent days searching for it. Right now, it came as a pleasant surprise. Just what he needed.

He blamed Ben and his talk about Diego and the internet guy for this dream he had had tonight. Ben had confused him so much with all his talk about him and Diego and the fucking past. What did the past even matter? He had had his chance when he was a teenager and he had been too afraid to make a move! What right would he have to Diego’s heart or his bed now so many years later when it was his fucking fault that Diego had lost the one woman he had loved more than anyone else in the world? No. It was like he had told Ben before. This ship had sailed over thirteen years ago and, for all Klaus knew, it had hit an iceberg and sunk to the fucking ground of the Mariana Trench! He knew that his anger was misplaced and that Ben didn't deserve to be the target of it but it felt good to have a target right now. Even if Ben wasn’t here right now. It felt good to just project his issues onto the ghost of his dead brother. Wasn’t that just fucking pathetic? 

As he watched the tub fill up with steaming hot water, he unlocked his phone and stared at the display for a while. It was three in the morning and his pancake-loving friend surely fast asleep. He opened the dating app and stared at his last message to which Klaus still owned an answer. For a second, he wanted to tell him to meet later today for lunch. A part of him wanted to meet him and drag him straight to his bed just to get it over with and to get everything else out of his head. But then he thought about Diego and their pact and he couldn't bring himself to bail on him today. And he thought about Dave. Dave, good, strong, kind Dave. If he was watching Klaus, he surely wouldn't want to see him move on so quickly with a stranger. He would grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. He would tell him, in this stern voice he had had, to stop being such a fucking bitch. He would tell him that it was okay to feel the way he felt. It didn't feel okay, though. Finally, he wrote an answer message to his internet flirt, taking into consideration what Ben had advised him to do, and allowed himself one more day to contemplate.

"Okay, let's meet. I can’t today, though. Tomorrow, 5 PM at Griddy’s donuts." 

And, just as he sunk into the water, his phone gave a little ping and he could see the answer to his message pop up on the screen. All it read was "❤️". Not five minutes later, he could hear Diego’s door open and how his brother was walking down the hall in his heavy combat boots. There he went, off to fight crime in the middle of the night.

※※※※※※※

He hardly felt the impact of his fists hitting the punching bag anymore. The skin of his knuckles was raw but the pain was welcome to him. He usually wore gloves during his training or at least taped his hands but today he couldn't be bothered. He needed the pain to ground him in the moment. He had woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, cursing to himself. When he dreamed it was always the same. Again and again, he would be at the motel, finding Eudora dead in the room. Never on time - because he was just Number Two, just the spare. Never good enough, never fast enough, never on time. Lately, the dreams had taken on a new flavor, however. It was still Eudora dead on the ground, yes, but now it was Klaus dead and tied to a chair as well. It was Klaus covered in blood from head to toe with a gunshot wound at the side of his head. 

After that, he had gotten up, left the room, and walked to the bathroom. When he had come back, he had heard sounds from Klaus’ room - something that sounded like moans and hoarse breathing. He had risked a small look inside, which had been easy since Klaus always left his door ajar, only to determine that it didn't seem that Klaus had a nightmare - quite the opposite actually. Hit by the truth, he had quickly scurried back into his own bedroom and, unable to shake what he’d seen or ignore the sounds coming through the wall, he had gotten to town.

He felt horrible even thinking about what he did. He had jerked off to the sounds of Klaus having a wet dream just on the other side of that wall. Surely, he had dreamed about Dave, and here he was jerking off to that. Jerking off to the sounds his brother made. Jerking off to the idea of Klaus fantasizing about him in bed with another man. And, yes, he had fantasized about Klaus dreaming about him instead of Dave. He was truly messed up to do such a thing. Despicable. Truly fucking rotten. He hit the punching bag once more so hard that he felt the skin on his knuckles split. 

"Fuck!"

"Here you are!" Klaus sounded too jolly as he entered the gym this early in the day. It was not even six. Fuck. He had forgotten about their date. They were supposed to go running. It had been his idea and he had already forgotten about it while Klaus was so eager to go through with it. He wondered if Klaus had any idea how much it helped him that he was actually going along with this stupid pact they made. 

"I thought you went out without me! Hey … What's with your hand?" Diego barely had time to notice how quickly Klaus was at his side. One moment he was at the door, the next he was at Diego’s side and had gripped his hand to inspect the broken skin on his knuckles. "You need to be more careful, Silly." 

Klaus’ hands were always cold. That was just a fact and Diego had always liked it. While Klaus was always running cold, he always felt like he was boiling up on the inside. They balanced each other out quite beautifully and the fact that he never wanted to let go of Klaus’ hand scared him. Fuck, he was already in too deep again. He was no longer that stupid horny teenager after all! He could no longer look at Number Four like this and get away with saying that it was just his hormones acting up. This was dangerous. It could break everything that they had built up for the past few months. 

"It's fine." He replied a little sharper than necessary and pulled his hand away from Klaus. The look of hurt that crossed Klaus’ face for a second as if Diego had just slapped him, didn't escape him. He never wanted to see Klaus hurt in any way. Not to mention that he never wanted to be the cause of that hurt. He felt guilty immediately, just like he has when they were children and Diego had accidentally shoved him to the ground once, causing Klaus to scrape open his chin after the nasty fall. "Sorry … I just … Barely slept."

"Same." Klaus sighed. "Talk to me about it?"

"I don't-"

"Hey, you were the one who said we were trying to go through all this shit together, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then talk to me. We made a deal, remember?" 

He regretted making that deal right now. He had done it because of Klaus, first and foremost. He wanted to help his brother, help him to get through the pain and the grief, and wanted to prevent him from falling back into his habits. He wanted to be there to catch him when he would fall, thinking that he himself would be able to handle his own pain on his own. He was a big boy, after all, right? It came to his attention, however, that he couldn't do it on his own. He needed help just like Klaus did and he didn't know how to ask for it. Asking for help was not an option. Reginald had made that clear to him. He was Number Two. He was the second in command of the team after Luther. He was a leader. Leaders don’t ask for help. Asking for help meant being weak. Leaders couldn't afford weakness.

Yet, Klaus looked at him with those big, owlish green eyes that he had on him like Diego had hung the moon and the stars in the sky. There was so much trust, so much vulnerability in those eyes. Well, of course, there were. He was Number Four. He was the middle child. No one had ever expected him to be strong and assertive. Klaus could be vulnerable all he wanted without repercussions. And still, he directed that look at Diego and at no one else. He had noticed it before. Klaus wouldn't look at their other siblings like that. Only him. 

"I had a nightmare, that's all." For a second, a funny look crossed Klaus’ face that he couldn't quite decipher. He didn't like not knowing every piece of a puzzle. Not having all the information was dangerous. It could decide over life and death. 

"What was it about?"

"Eudora." Diego shrugged. It was half true, after all. "I mean, the day she died. It's always about that and it's so annoying." 

"I get it." Klaus murmured and averted his eyes shortly. Was this guilt he could see flickering over his face? He knew that Klaus felt guilty for Eudora’s death. No matter how many times Diego would tell him that it wasn’t his fault, the guilt seemed to never leave Klaus. "I dream about Dave’s death too almost every night. It just … it doesn't get better, does it? People always say that it gets better with time, that it hurts less with time."

"Those people are full of shit."

"Yeah, they are." Klaus laughed. It was a weird, hollow little sound. Not at all like Klaus should sound. He didn't like that sound. "I wonder if it will ever get better, you know? And I wonder if I want it to get better. It feels wrong, kind of. It feels like … betrayal. To move on, I mean. Of course, I understand that Dave died fifty-one years ago. Logically, I understand that. Logically, I also understand that it might be better that he doesn’t show himself to me. But to me, it's only been a couple of months. And it's not like I could go anywhere to mourn him either, right?" 

"Have you never been to his grave?"

"No." Klaus gave an exhausted sigh as he walked over to the bench at the wall and sat down heavily. "I tried to find out where he was buried after the apocalypse that wasn’t. I went back to the Veteran’s bar too. His body has never been recovered and brought back home, like so many others. There was a headstone in the cemetery but what's the point of going there? He’s not there anyway. And even if he were … he would be just a pile of bones now. After all those years the headstone might be long gone too. All I have left now is that stupid memorial side for the fallen soldiers where his name is engraved really small amongst all those other people." 

Diego walked over and slumped down next to Klaus. He couldn't help but brush a hand over Klaus’ arm at that. "I’ve been to her funeral, you know?" He then muttered quietly. "I went to her funeral but I … I didn't have the balls to actually attend it. I hid behind a tree like a child and watched from afar."

"Why didn't you join them?"

"It was just … I felt responsible. I dragged her into this mess. Not really, I know. She’s been on the case because that was her job, I know that. But I encouraged her to do things my way the day she died. If I hadn't done that, she would have called for backup before going after Cha-Cha and Hazel. I know that it was not my fault. Logically, like you said, I do understand that it was not my fault. It still feels like her blood is on my hands, though." 

They fell into companionable silence after his little confession and just sat there, staring at the gym from their childhood days. He wondered if Klaus too tried to imagine all the different outcomes of that day at the motel. Klaus could have died before Eudora had found him. She probably wouldn't have died then because she wouldn't have heard him. Or what if Diego would have reached that place sooner and had gone with her? What if Eudora hadn't died? Would they have ended up together again? Would he himself maybe have died in the crossfire? Would Klaus have died right in front of him? He wondered if Klaus thought that it might have been better, if he had never gone to Vietnam. 

"I have an idea." Klaus broke the silence after a few minutes of them just hanging after their own thoughts. 

"Oh?"

"Yeah, so … let’s ditch training today and go to the beach." 

He could hear the alarm sirens blaring inside his head. Going to the beach with Klaus seemed to be just asking for trouble. Yet, Klaus looked at him again with that expression of trust and vulnerability and how could he deny him when he looked at him like that?

"Sounds good." He replied with a huff. "But I guess we need to ask the boys to come along."

"Do we?"

"They would feel left out." Diego shrugged. A few months ago, that thought would have never occurred to him. "We are trying to be a family, right? And Luther is moping because Allison left."

"Okay." Klaus laughed. "The Hargreeves boys go on a trip then! Pack your most scandalous bathing suit, Honey." 

※※※※※※※

Having Five and Luther with them at the beach actually helped to get his mind off of Klaus for a bit. Of course, Klaus was still half-naked in the sand right in front of him for the most part but with Luther and Five around them, it was almost impossible to think anything sexual of the situation - even though Diego could hardly tear his eyes off of Klaus whenever he would lounge luxuriously like a cat on a sunny windowsill in the sand like this. 

They had arrived in Luther’s minivan with Number One driving, Five riding shotgun, and Klaus and him in the backseat. It was a weekday and so the beach was not too crowded in the late hours of the morning when they arrived. Mom had actually made them lunch to take with them for later. It was surprising how little convincing it had needed for Five and Luther to come along. But Luther was probably just glad to get a bit of a distraction from everything and Five had just claimed that he deserved a vacation after spending over forty years in the fucking hellscape of the apocalypse. 

Right now, Luther had settled down under a parasol in his trunks and a simple white shirt. He could understand why his brother was uncomfortable with exposing too much of his body and none of them were going to comment on it. Five was reading a book in the shade and looked more relaxed than Diego had ever seen him in the past few months ever since he returned to them. 

"We should stay here forever." Klaus sighed as he was sitting on his floating tire that he had insisted on bringing with him. Neither one of them had dared to ask why he had a floating tire in the back of his closet and Diego still refused to ask. When Diego had declared that he would go for a swim, Klaus had woken up from his comatose state in the sand and joined him right away. "This is heaven. You know what would make this even better?"

"A margarita?"

"A margarita," Klaus hummed. "You can read my mind, Baby."

"Not hard to," Diego laughed as he was kicking water beside his brother. Klaus had insisted that Diego would pull him further out as he refused to do any of the actual swimming right now. "We should stay and wait for nightfall and set up a bonfire."

"Sounds nice," Klaus grinned. "Hey remember how we used to go stargazing together when we were teens? We should do that tonight. It was always so nice."

"Luther will tell us every little detail about the moon."

"That's the danger of talking to Luther." As Klaus splashed him, he felt tempted to upturn his tire to dunk him. "Although, in his defense, Luther always chewed your ear off when talking about the moon or the stars. He always liked space. I mean, why else would Dad have called him Spaceboy?"

"Because the old man was a dickhead."

"True." He laughed. "Hey … do you sometimes wonder if Dad perhaps … I don't know, saw the future or something? Like, sometimes I think he knew exactly what would happen."

"Don't you think he would have stopped you from using drugs then? Or Luther from going on that mission that almost killed him? Or Five from running off? Or Ben from dying?"

"Not if these things needed to happen - in his eyes." Klaus shrugged. "I mean when I talked to him in the afterlife or wherever I was … It sounded like he knew what was coming. The apocalypse, I mean."

"If he knew about it … he could have prevented it right from the start." Diego shook his head. "Ben wouldn't have needed to die. None of the shit we experienced would have needed to happen. No, I think, we were an experiment to him. He was watching us like lab rats. He was studying our behavior and how we would react to certain things."

"Sometimes I would like to ask him but … no matter how much I work on my stupid powers, I’m hitting a wall. I … I mean, I can manifest Ben now, hooray, but other than that? I’m still not of much use to the family, right? I feel like I’m being blocked."

"Like Vanya?"

"Maybe. But I mean I’m clean, right? I don't even take aspirin anymore if I can help it." Klaus sighed. "It's like … I feel that there is something there. I can … feel it vibrating in my fucking skull all the time. I know that there is something else there but I can't … touch it. I can't get to it."

"You will" He smiled. "When the right time comes."

"What if it never happens? I’m tired of being the useless one. I mean when it gets to it and we are fighting bad guys again, Vanya can do more damage than I ever could. I mean I would be a great  _ guy in the chair  _ for you guys when Vanya takes my spot in the limelight but … I just wished, for once, I could be useful." 

He watched him carefully for a moment, his eyes darting to the tattoo on his upper arm. ‘173rd AIRBORNE BRIGADE - SKY SOLDIERS’. He still hated to think about Klaus on the battlefield. He still hated knowing that his baby brother had been forced to fight in a war that had been over twenty years before they were even born. The thought of losing Klaus to that war, of him being shot and killed or ripped to shreds by a grenade was just terrifying. 

"Hey, do you know how to assemble a rifle?"

Klaus blinked at him in surprise at the sudden change of topic. "Sure."

"And you could treat injuries, right? Like a shrapnel wound or shit."

"Yeah, sure." Klaus raised his brows at him as if everyone should be able to do that. Sure, they had been subjected to basic first aid training by their dad but not like Klaus would have experienced during a war. 

"Are you a good shot?"

"Decent enough, I guess." Klaus hummed. "What are you going on about?"

"I’m trying to get it into your dumb head, Honey, that you would not be useless in a fight and that you never have been. Sure, your powers might not be helpful during combat except for when you materialize Ben but … when it comes to a fucking firefight? Klaus, you were at the front lines of Vietnam. You were in the jungle, you experienced it, you saw it. I mean, Five is good with guns, sure, he’s a trained assassin. But you … You are a soldier, Klaus. You spent ten months in this hell and you came out in one piece."

"That was just luck and Dave who looked after me."

"No." Diego shook his head. "Because if you wouldn't have learned anything, you would have been dead within a week, bro. I know what I’m talking about, okay? I’ve seen all the movies and documentaries about Vietnam these past five months. Do you even know how many people died there? Because I do. 58,220 of American soldiers died there and 288,561 soldiers in total. So no, Baby, you were not just lucky. You can hold your own, you can fight and when it comes to it, you would kick any bad guy’s ass." 

"You try to flatter me." Klaus murmured. 

"I would never." He huffed. "You are a pest."

"See, you are doing it again!" Klaus laughed and splashed him again. This time, Diego actually dunked him for the offense. 

※※※※※※※

"I wished the girls were here," Klaus muttered quietly as they sat together around the small bonfire that Diego and Luther had assembled. They had gotten pizza from a nearby restaurant and were now comfortably sitting around the fire after everyone else had left the beach not too long ago. They had spent the entire day here, just enjoying themselves and the sun for once. No missions, no looming threat of an apocalypse or some other weirdness, no catastrophes. 

"We can always do this again with them," Diego replied and leaned back on his hands, allowing the heat of the flames to tickle his face gently. This was something that they had always dreamed of as children. 

"We should go camping," Luther suggested with that boyish smile on his face that always seemed to betray his true age and allowed a glimpse of the boy Luther used to be in their childhood. Sure, Diego and Luther hadn’t really gotten along back then but now that he could recognize the problems that they had had back in the day for what they had really been, he could also recognize that it was a goddamn shame that they hadn’t been friends as children.

"Last time we went, Klaus got pneumonia and almost died." Five huffed with a roll of his eyes. "I would say going camping isn’t that good of an idea." 

"Yeah, but that was because of Dad," Klaus argued back with a grin. "He didn't give us a tent, remember? It was pouring for days and we had nothing to sleep in."

"He called it survival training." Diego sighed. "We were meant to craft our own shelters out there and learn to survive in the wilderness."

"Which worked out absolutely wonderfully." Klaus laughed. "I mean what did the old fart expect when he would send seven spoiled trust-fund kids out into the wilderness like this?" 

"How’d you do it in ‘Nam?" Five suddenly asked and Diego’s first instinct was to slap Five for reminding Klaus of Vietnam now that they were having such a good time.

"Oh … Well, it was kinda pointless to build shelters or dugouts when we were outside of camp - especially when the monsoon season hit. So, we just kinda didn't. At least my platoon didn't. Charlie used to bitch about it." His smile froze for a moment before he forced himself to continue. "But I didn't really mind. I just tried to keep the cheer up, you know? Tommy once said I was their cheerleader. Well, I was used to being cold and uncomfortable all the time from living on the streets so it was the least I could do. So, we waded through the mud and all this shit like that scene in  _ Forrest Gump _ , wet to the core and with heavy gear. It was madness." 

"That you managed to survive in that environment" Luther muttered under his breath. "I’m still amazed … and I still am terrified trying to imagine that."

"Well, I fought tooth and nail" Klaus laughed quietly.

"Yeah, you’ve always been tough as nails." Five commented and for once it didn't sound as if he was making fun of his brother. "What? Don't look at me like that. It's true. You have managed to survive on the streets for thirteen years and fought in a war. Of course, you are fucking tough."

"But that's not always been the case."

"Yeah, it was." Five shrugged. "Your whole life you’ve been hounded by ghosts, right? You didn't get much help from any of us, though. And still, you put up with all the shit Dad put you through." 

"Yeah but-"

"Just accept the compliment." Five snarked. 

"Okay, okay!" Klaus laughed and sank against Diego’s side to lean his head against his shoulder. Being so close to Klaus all the time truly put a lot of strain on Diego’s self-control. Yet, he didn't want to miss his presence at his side, Klaus’ skin against his skin, Klaus’ warmth seeping into his own body. He didn't want this to end, didn't want them to break away from each other. Fuck, he was in too deep already and there was only little hope for him now.

**-End of Chapter 8-**


	9. Chapter 9

Klaus had never been as nervous as he was now when he reached Griddy’s. Granted, he had never had a date before and especially not a blind date with a guy he only knew via the internet. He was fidgeting with the hem of his new shirt as he sat in his booth and waited for his date to show up, desperate to just busy his hands as a thousand thoughts and questions stormed his mind violently. What if it was some kind of trick? What if someone had sought him out deliberately? No, that was probably not very likely, right? It was more likely that the other guy wouldn't show up at all. And what if he was an asshole? Or worse, if he was actually a nice guy and just not his type at all? Then again, since when had he been very picky in the past? Well, the answer seemed obvious: since Dave. After Dave, everything just changed and he couldn't do anything about it - not that he really wanted to. He looked at the world differently now. He looked at people differently now. Not necessarily in a bad way just … differently. 

Maybe he just couldn't look at dating the same way as before because he had, for once, got around to learn the value of falling in love and being in a relationship. Until Dave, he hadn’t placed much importance on that kind of stuff. Thanks to Dave, he knew now what the hype was all about and he wanted that. He didn't want meaningless one-night-stands anymore. He could no longer just go to a bar and hook up with some random guy without having it mean something. Shit … It was bad, wasn’t it? He missed the carefree old Klaus, he really did. He could do without the drugs. Sure, sobriety was a bitch and the ghosts were not of big help in that regard but it was worth it, he thought. 

"Breathe." Ben sighed as he sat opposite him in the booth and granted him a reassuring smile. "It's gonna be okay, you’ll see."

"How would you know?"

"Let's call it a hunch." Ben huffed but there was something Ben was not telling him. He could see it on Ben’s smug face that he knew more than Klaus. Had he maybe already seen the other guy? Was he lingering outside and was perhaps too nervous to come inside? Well, Klaus was ten minutes early, so he should by no means linger around already. And wasn't that a crazy thing too?  _ He _ ! Ten minutes early! 

"What if he sees me and leaves again?" He was surprised by the question tumbling out of his mouth. It just happened and he had not even thought about it before he did. It just happened. Fuck. But now that the question was out in the open while he stared at his brother with big eyes, he saw something on Ben’s face melt away a little. It took Klaus a moment to realize that he had never quite felt this vulnerable before - not when it came to men, at least. He had never had any reason to feel vulnerable when it came to his looks. He knew that he was good looking,  _ pretty  _ even. But knowing it and feeling it were too different pair of shoes. And even if he knew it, there just was not much value he placed on himself right now. Without the drugs, it was easier to see his flaws and shortcomings more clearly. And even if he and the other guy would hit it off, what if he would be disgusted by Klaus’ past whenever Klaus would tell him?

"He won’t. I guarantee it to you." Ben sighed. "You’re a catch, remember?" 

"Jesus, I act like a little girl, don't I?"

"A little." Ben grinned. "But it's quite a look. Seeing you like this. It's cute. You should have been like this way earlier in life."

"I know. It's crazy that I only start dating like a normal person with almost thirty, right?"

"You were never one for societal norms." Ben laughed. 

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"Yes, I am." 

He realized that Ben had been distracting him only as the bell chimed over the door of the donut shop announcing a new customer. Immediately, Klaus turned around in his seat to see who it was only to find his brother Diego standing at the door, looking nervous with a single red rose in his hand. As his brother caught a glimpse of him he turned the brightest red he had ever seen Diego get - even brighter than that one time when Klaus had barreled into the bathroom while Diego was in the shower and ripped the curtain open to ask him something.

"Klaus?" Diego exclaimed in surprise and, probably, horror. "What are you doing here?" It almost sounded like an accusation.

"I could ask you the same thing, Darling! Do you have a date? Who’s the lucky lady?" 

Agnes, the waitress, chose this exact moment to put down a plate of waffles and a milkshake in front of Klaus, followed quickly by a plate of pancakes for his date that was still not here. He wouldn't have paid attention to it had it not been for Diego’s eyes to almost fall out of his head at the sight. His brother’s eyes were seemingly transfixed at the food in front of Klaus and before Klaus knew what was happening his brother was standing beside his table. 

"So?" Klaus muttered. His brother was starting to make him a little nervous. In fact, he was starting to get a bit freaked out by Diego’s staring. Also, the thought that his date might show up and leave again when he would see Diego standing here, was suddenly at the forefront of his mind and made him look out the window shortly. "Who’s your date? Is she here yet?" 

And then Diego held the flower right under his nose in that universal way in which people would ask other people to take something. Confused, Klaus took the rose that Diego had clearly stolen from someone’s backyard and that was still spiked with thorns all over just as Diego was sliding into the bench opposite of Klaus. Poor Ben could slide to the side just in time and was now grinning all over his face.

As Diego dropped his glance nervously onto the pancakes and started fidgeting with the napkins, the penny dropped.

"No way! You are  _ Pancakelover _ ?" Klaus exclaimed only to be shushed by his brother. "Fuck! I should've known! Ben!" He turned to his dead brother. "You knew? Why didn't you say something?"

"It was funnier this way. I’m off now, enjoy your date!"

"No, wait!" But Ben, that little asshole, had already fucked off into the aether or to his ghost boyfriend or wherever he went when he left Klaus to fend for himself. "Fucking Casper…" 

He looked at Diego again, speechless for a second, before he couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Diego, on the other hand, seemed a bit unsure what to make of all this. He still seemed nervous. 

"Eat!" Klaus huffed gesturing to the food. "Before it gets cold. My treat this time, I asked Luther for money."

"So … it's Luther’s treat."

"Which means we tricked him into buying us food." 

They shared a grin at this and Diego picked up his fork. "In that case … thank you."

For a few seconds, they were silent and just ate together. This whole situation was so weird and awkward that it was almost funny. However, Klaus had never been good with silence, really. And he was not much of a fan of awkward silence in general. He always went looking for something he could say that might salvage a situation whenever it got awkward and, mostly, he only made it more awkward in the process. 

"So, we were chatting with each other, huh?" He asked and could tell right away that Diego would have much rather swept it under the rug for now or, perhaps, forever. 

"I should have known" Diego groaned and wiped a hand over his face before falling back in his seat. "I mean  _ Wafflemaster _ ? Of course, that would be you!" 

Klaus couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity and, thankfully, this time Diego joined in pretty quickly. He thought about the things he had told  _ Pancakelover  _ \- things he had never even told Diego before and apparently his big brother was thinking the same thing considering the look he gave Klaus. Diego’s ears were still a little red. It was a look for sure.

"I didn't know you had signed up on that app." Klaus then said.

"I didn't want to but I … I just thought, fuck it. Just try it." He huffed and then pointed his fork at him almost accusatory as he added: "I mean I tried Yoga too, right?"

"So, you’re bisexual?"

"Yeah?"

"I never knew this!"

"You never asked."

"Oh, shush! You never asked if I was gay either."

"Because I didn't need to!" Diego laughed. "You fell down the stairs in Mom’s pumps and was wearing Allison’s skirts, Baby!"

"Oh, wow! How heteronormative of you!"

Diego laughed again and the sound was music to his ears. He couldn't quite deny that he felt a little relieved not to sit with some random stranger from the internet right now. That random stranger he had felt so good talking to was actually the guy he had always liked a little too much for societal standards. It was almost like in a movie. How big were the odds, after all? Now, however, there was still the chance that Diego didn't feel the same way. He didn't know how to move forward now.

"I’m actually relieved," Diego said. "I was so nervous meeting some stranger I have never even seen a picture of."

"Why did you ask then? Twice! I might add!"

"Because" Diego stopped again. He was not good with words and Klaus could sense the return of the dreaded childhood stutter from a mile away. "I needed a distraction, I guess. I … I wanted this guy to distract me."

"From Eudora."

"From you." 

Klaus was stunned into silence for a few seconds and Diego started squirming visibly in his seat, his ears turning an even darker red, his eyes darting nervously around the room, his fingers fidgeting with the butterknife.  _ What? _

"I shouldn't have said that," Diego muttered. "I shouldn't have said that. Just … just forget that I said that, okay? It's stupid. I’m stupid. It's probably just the stress and the … the situation. Spending so much time together and being so close and … the apocalypse and Eudora and all the shit that happened. I’m probably just doing what I always do when I feel like I’m close to someone, right? I … I overdo it. That's what Eudora always said. I jump from zero to a hundred within seconds and attach feelings to things or people because I’ve not learned it any other way and I-"

Klaus got up from his bench and Diego stopped talking. The look his brother gave him was that of a scared animal, his eyes big and vulnerable. Klaus was amazed by that expression. He had never seen Diego like this. And to know that he was the cause of it … How odd. Before Diego could say another word, Klaus slid into the bench next to him, put his hand on Diego’s cheek and turned his face towards him. Diego was completely pliant in his grasp and he didn't fight him off or push him away either as Klaus leaned forward to shut him up with a kiss. 

Diego had always been more a man of action. He had never been good in showing his emotion through words. He would kick Klaus gently in the shin when they were eight to show him that he loved him, he would pull Klaus’ hair playfully or hit him in the arm. Later, he would pull him into unexpected hugs and whack him over the head. Klaus might be better with words but sometimes, he thought, Diego’s approach to life was better. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. 

He was a little afraid that he misunderstood as Diego didn't react at first but just as he was about to pull away, Diego put one of his rough, calloused hands on his neck and held him close, biting down on Klaus’ bottom lip to get him to open up. He couldn't help but grin against Diego’s lips at that. They broke apart again quickly, though. After all, they were not the only people in that donut shop and although making out in public had never been much of a problem for Klaus, it was different now. It was different because it was Diego and not some random stranger he met five minutes ago high and drunk off his scrawny little junkie ass.

"Are you telling me we could’ve done this the whole time?" Diego breathed out with a chuckle, the hot air of his breath ghosting over Klaus’ face as he did. He leaned into the touch as Diego brushed fingers through his curls and looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time for real. Klaus couldn't help but feel small under Diego’s gaze - but not in a bad way. The way Diego zeroed in on him made him feel like he was the only other thing existing in the same universe as Diego right now. The only thing that was of any importance, at the very least. It was intoxicating. He had never noticed how intense Diego’s eye could be. Right now he felt that he didn't want Diego to look at someone else ever again.

It felt different than it had been with Dave. It was a different flavor of attraction and of intoxication with another person. Dave was soft and their attraction, their love gentle and quiet - calm, like a lake. What he felt for Diego was a hurricane ravaging the land.

"Maybe?" Klaus grinned playfully at the other man before he leaned forward again to gently bite Diego’s bottom lip. He didn't give Diego time to react, however, as he quickly stood up again and slid back into the opposite side of the booth to resume eating his waffles. Teasing Diego had always been great fun and right now, it seemed even greater fun with this newly added flavor to their relationship. 

"How long-" Diego seemed unable to even finish his question.

"I don't know" He shrugged. "I mean … I always thought it was an open secret that I had a crush on you when we were teenagers."

"It was?"

"Well, apparently not as much as I thought." Klaus laughed. "Ben always teased me about it. He blackmailed me into doing his chores for an entire summer because of it, always threatening to spill the beans."

"I always wondered why you did his chores back then."

"Well, now you know. Our dear, departed brother was a ruthless criminal. So, since when-"

"Same." Diego huffed. "I could hardly look at you when we were sixteen because of it."

"I thought I did something wrong!"

"No!" Diego laughed. "I was just too horny to look at you! You have no idea how hard life was during that time!"

They fell back into a comfortable silence for a moment in which both of them ate their food, both a little flustered from their confessions. It was ridiculous, this whole thing. Had he known that Diego felt the same way back when they were teenagers … then what? Dad wouldn't have had allowed it, right? And sixteen-year-old Klaus would have probably destroyed their relationship forever. 

"Hey … I never knew that you went to search for your birth mother." Klaus then addressed what Diego had told him in their chat conversation.

"Yeah" He sighed. "Because I was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to feel about it. Like I said … I didn't want you or the others to think that I wouldn't love you. I just wanted to know my roots."

"Nothing wrong with that."

"No, but it still felt that way for me. I chickened out anyway. I thought if that woman sold me then what right would I have to go to her thirty years later and confront her about it? She made a decision and my birth had to have been traumatic and she knew, after all, who Reginald was. Maybe she had seen me on TV or in magazines. If she ever regretted her decision, she would have tried to contact me, right?" 

"I guess so." Klaus shrugged. 

"You never tried to find your mother?"

"No … I mean, like I said, I asked Dad but … Well, we all know how Daddy typically reacted. I guess trying to find your birth mother is a lot easier when she’s not from a different continent, huh? No, but … I mean, later I wondered about her. I always did. I always wanted to know what kind of person she was, how my birth affected her, and all of that but then again … I imagined meeting her, you know? And then I thought, well what mother would be happy to find out her son was a homeless junkie?" 

"You are more than that" Diego replied and grabbed his hand over the table. "You have always been more than that. But not everyone can see that because not everyone knows how you got to that point."

"I sometimes think that you are the only person ever who saw it like that - who saw  _ me  _ like that."

"I’m sure Dave would agree with me." 

"Yeah … He probably would."

"You never told him?" Diego’s eyebrows would have disappeared in his hairline if that would be humanly possible while Klaus busied his hand in playing with Diego’s fingers instead. The gesture came naturally to him.

"He knew that I had a problem with drugs." He shrugged. "I mean it were the sixties, free love, drugs and all that jazz - perfect time to be Klaus Hargreeves, right? We smoked weed together, drank together. He knew I was doing hard drugs too and I told him a little about my past but … there was no time to delve into it. I mean, we were fighting a war, right?" 

"Yeah, probably not the best moment." He agreed quietly. 

"Did you talk to Eudora about everything that happened?"

"No" He sighed. "I mean she knew about the Umbrella Academy, about  _ the Kraken  _ and shit. She grew up with us being famous, after all. She teased me relentlessly about it in the beginning. But I … You know me. I’m not good with words. I got frustrated after I got kicked out of the police academy and didn't know how to express myself properly. I became brash and hot-headed and did things the way I was trained to and my inability to actually talk to her and make her understand why I was the way I was, was what led to our break up, I believe. And after that, I was just an annoying asshole to her. I messed up her crime scenes and got involved in her business. I wanted to still be close to her but I didn't know how to do it. And I didn't want to sit down and tell her everything and pour out my heart to her and use her like a therapist, right? I thought ‘shouldn't she just love me for who I am without knowing my tragic backstory in every detail?’ but I guess it doesn't work like this." 

"I’m really not the person to say how it works." Klaus huffed. "Dave was my first ever real relationship. The last guy I called my boyfriend before him dumped me after three weeks - well, granted, I stole from him, of course, but … yeah, not a guy with loads of experience right here when it comes to relationships." 

"Well … Maybe we could start gaining some experience together?" Diego offered with a teasing little smile that sent the butterflies residing in Klaus’ stomach spiraling out of control. 

"Probably a good idea, Sweetheart." Klaus laughed quietly as he laced his fingers with Diego’s. 

※※※※※※※ 

He had Klaus in his arms. His naked body was warm against Diego’s chest, his breathing soft and deep in his sleep. He felt peaceful - for the first time in a long while. He found himself staring at the dog tags that hung from Klaus’ neck and the tattoo on his stomach. Klaus had told him that the symbols on the temple he had gotten tattooed into his skin read ‘Klaus loves Dave’. 

Maybe it was a bit childish but he felt a little jealous about it. No, it was definitely childish. However, Diego decided that he was allowed to be a little childish. He reached over to Klaus’ desk that stood close enough to the bed so that he wouldn't need to get up and, carefully not to stir Klaus, grabbed the black sharpie lying around - a relic from Klaus’ teenage years. 

Klaus only stirred a little when Diego sat up and began writing on his left thigh as it wasn’t covered with the thin blanket that Diego had pulled over them. It was way too hot for a blanket anyway. "What…" Klaus muttered into the pillow as his hand started roaming the bed where Diego had been lying just seconds ago. As Diego finished his work, he found Klaus’ eyes open, even if barely so and still half asleep. 

"Nothing" He grinned playfully - which was probably what provoked Klaus’ curiosity and him to blink against the remnants of sleep that were still clinging to him. Slowly, Klaus sat up on his bed and had a look on his leg.

" _ Klaus also loves Diego _ ?" He read with raised brows before he let out a hoarse little laugh as the puzzle pieces fell into place for him. Klaus slumped back down on his bed with a chuckle, one hand on his stomach. "Yes, Klaus does love Diego." He huffed before he wrestled the sharpie from Diego’s hand. And, before he knew it, Number Four had pushed him back onto the mattress and was straddling his still very much naked hips. Not that he had anything against feeling Klaus’ naked body against his. Quite the contrary, actually.

He allowed Klaus to assault his body with the sharpie and only grinned about the feeling of the felt-tip moving across his chest as Klaus drew a crude little heart with his own name in it onto his chest. 

"What a shame that you are afraid of needles." Klaus mused quietly as he looked down on his handiwork. "You would look good with a few more tats … badass even. Well, maybe a little scary with that scowl you always have on your face." 

"What scowl?" Diego scowled and Klaus quickly fell into his trap as he leaned down to kiss him.

"That scowl." He huffed against his lips. " _ Someone’s  _ getting interested." Oh, that wicked little grin as Klaus gently rocked against him. "I wouldn't have thought it would take so little to excite you."

"Hard not to get excited by you, Baby."

"So all I need to do is being naked?"

"You could wear a potato sack for all I cared … wouldn't make a difference." He grinned as he placed his hands on Klaus’ hips and dug his nails into the skin that he found there. The soft groan he managed to elicit from Klaus as he rocked upwards and against him to make him feel just how interested he really was, was like music to his ears. 

"And if I’d had no legs?"

"Doesn't matter." Diego purred. "You would still be perfect." 

"You know how to make a girl feel special." Klaus chuckled against his lips as he grinded against him almost mercilessly and startled a soft groan out of Diego in return. His body was running hot again and the heat was focusing quite prominently in his loins. At least he wasn’t the only one, as he noticed as his right hand traveled from Klaus’ hips to his crotch were he carefully wrapped his fingers around his hardening cock. The deep moan that left Klaus’ lips was beyond intoxicating. He never wanted to hear anything else come out of this mouth. 

"Well, you  _ are  _ special." Diego hummed in response. "ready to go again already?"

"Don't act so surprised." He chuckled. "How am I ever going to be in the same room as you again without a chaperon?"

"You could ask Ben to be your chaperon. I’m sure he would love the job." 

"Hmm let's not talk about Ben right now." Klaus grinned mischievously as he directed his left hand between Diego’s legs to grab his hard cock firmly. He was still open for him from their previous activities and none of them seemed to waste any second thought about safety right now. Not that Diego wouldn't normally think about it but in Klaus’ case … Well, he knew that Klaus was healthy. He had accompanied him to his last STI test three months ago to hold his hand and be supportive. Besides, rational thought really had no room in his head now as Klaus easily directed Diego’s willing cock back inside of him. He was engulfed in Klaus’ heat slowly and could only groan in approval as he slid deeper as quickly as Klaus allowed - which was, right now, not very quickly because Klaus liked to torture him. 

Klaus stopped moving only as Diego was fully sheeted inside of him and Klaus sat firmly on Diego’s hips again, his hands flat on Diego’s strong chest. Just looking up at him right now as they lay underneath the starry sky of Klaus’ bedroom, pale in the light of the fairy lights around the room, with a fine layer of sweat on his forehead, Klaus was absolutely gorgeous. 

Diego rocked his own hips to meet him, his hands settling on Klaus's waist to steady him as he took his cock deeper and deeper inside him. It was quite hard not to use too much pressure on Klaus and every time he did, he was afraid he could hurt him. It was almost impossible to concentrate on not grabbing him too hard by his hips, especially as Klaus then decided he was comfortable enough and started to ride him, panting as he enjoyed the sweet pain and the little burn of Diego's thick cock plunging into him, ripping him open and filling him to his desire.

Their hips rolled together, synchronized in mutual pleasure. Klaus's short nails dug into the flesh of Diego's flat stomach, into his muscles while he steadied himself to fasten his pace, moaning as if they were the only people inside this house. Thankfully, Vanya was in L.A. with Allison, otherwise, their sister would have had a front-row seat to their activities. 

It wasn’t long until Diego couldn’t stand it anymore, the sensation of Klaus' body welcoming his, the sight of Klaus' naked body on top of him, his skin glistening with little drops of sweat in the darkness – close enough that Diego could easily count each and every little one of them – the sound of those immoral moans coming from the deep of Klaus' throat. 

He twisted his own hand around Klaus’ shaft almost violently, making him keen with pleasure. There was no finesse to his machinations, no real skill, and Klaus didn't seem to care. They were both already too far gone in their pleasure to care about anything else right now. As Klaus came in his hand his entire body seemed to convulse around Diego so violently, that he thought the air was being knocked out of him. When he finally lost it and came deeply engulfed inside his lover, Klaus continued to ride him through his orgasm, as he was being filled with Diego's release, some of it lazily dripping down those beautiful thighs.

"I think" Klaus breathed just minutes later after he had resumed his previous position at Diego’s side, snuggled against him. "A chastity belt would do."

"Maybe that’s a good idea." Diego agreed quietly. "Otherwise I think the others will kick us out soon."

"Hey, do you think they knew?"

"What do you mean?"

"The dating app!" Klaus muttered. "Allison was really weird when I talked to her about it and Ben said that he knew - probably because he spied on you." 

"Oh" Well, that would explain a few things Allison had told him or commented on. He remembered asking her to take Klaus shopping. Of course, she had wanted to know why it was so important and when Diego had confessed his plan to her, she had grinned in a way that should have made him a bit more suspicious of her, he guessed. "Yeah, I guess at least Allison knew."

"Which means that Vanya knows too now."

"And Luther."

"So … everyone knows." Klaus chuckled. "Everyone knew that we were chatting with each other?"

Diego breathed out a laugh and pulled him tighter into his side. "So how do you feel about putting laxatives into their food?" 

"I thought about putting itching powder into their shampoos but we can do yours first." 

**-End of Chapter 9-**


	10. Epilog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know what to write in the Epilog for the longest time before I decided on this little bit. I am not completely satisfied with it but I think it's a nice bit of closure

He was happy. It was October 1st, 2019, half-past twelve at night. He was lying in his bed, staring at the starry sky that Diego had painted for him with so much love and dedication. His boyfriend was resting next to him fast asleep and his face pressed into one of Klaus’ pillows all scrunched up like a pug. He was mumbling in his sleep. It was the most peaceful Klaus had ever seen him. He was happy. For the first time in what felt like an entire life, he was happy. 

And as he realized the name for the feeling that was singing and vibrating in his core, there was another sensation hitting him square in the gut and without any kind of warning. Guilt. He knew that one well enough. The times he had felt truly happy in his life, he could count down on one hand but guilt? Man, that was something else. 

Looking back on his life it seemed to be the only emotion he was truly familiar and comfortable with as it seemed. Contrary to what people might believe about him, he had spent the last decade of his life feeling guilty. He had felt guilty for stealing from his siblings, for fucking over his family - especially Diego - over again and again, for cheating and stealing and for the things he had done to survive. 

Back then he hadn't allowed the feeling of guilt to cripple him too much but it had always been there, right in the back of his mind. The thing is: You can't just go down on your knees for some random guy in an alleyway or spread your legs for them for money or drugs and walk away from that without feeling at least an inkling of shame and guilt. He had learned this lesson the hard way.

So, in short, Klaus Hargreeves was familiar with the feeling of guilt. It was an old friend to him. A friend like the ones he had had during his time on the streets. The type of friend who would go out partying with you, who would drink and snort coke with you from the bare ass of a stripper and who would push you into a knife when the situation would turn a bit hairy. It was the type of friend he wanted to leave behind and whose name he wanted to have forgotten in a year's time. 

As he lay in bed now, right at the side of the man he loved and who loved him (wasn’t that just incredible?), guilt was forcing its way back into Klaus’ heart and was trying it's damndest to push out that feeling of happiness he had felt before with a newfound vengeance. 

This time, the guilt had a different flavor, though. It was not the same kind of guilt he had felt on the streets. It was not that sense of disgust in himself and his actions, not the regret for the things he’d done or the sense of mourning of his youth and the years he had wasted. It was something very much different. Something even deeper and more aggressive, something that made him slowly and carefully extract himself from the bed to walk out of his room without stirring his lover.

He had not thought about Dave for two weeks now. 

The realization was like a punch to his guts and made him want to crumble in on himself or bang his head against a wall. He was still wearing Dave’s dog tags, yes, and the tattoo on his stomach still held the same message it had held for the past couple of months, sure - but he had not thought about Dave for two whole weeks. He had not dreamed about him. He had not envisioned his sunny smile or his deep laughter. He had not thought about the way his touch had felt.

Diego had occupied his entire mind and his heart for the last two weeks. They had spent every waking moment together, separated only if Diego wanted to go on patrol or when one of them needed to go to the bathroom. Other than that, they had been joined at the hips. Diego had become his whole world and he had not thought about Dave once. 

He wanted to cry and wondered why he didn't. His eyes were dry as he walked down the corridor. He should be crying, he thought to himself. It felt, after all, as if he had betrayed Dave, in a way. He was not supposed to be happy with another guy so shortly after Dave had died in his arms, right? Yet, he was. He was happy with Diego. He loved him. He was loved by him. And it felt good being with him. Even the silence between them felt good. 

It shouldn't feel so good. It shouldn't be this easy. 

And it wasn't like he had gotten over Dave either. It wasn't as if Diego had miraculously healed him from his grief the same way Klaus had not healed Diego from his own grief. He was still mourning his soldier boy but … he was happy. He wasn't supposed to be happy. That was what the guilt was trying to tell him. He was not supposed to be happy and forget about Dave. Sure, he had not forgotten about Dave in the slightest. He had just … moved on. What a horrible thing to think. He had moved on.

Five months after he had held Dave in his arms, he had moved on. 

Even in the light of all the horrible, disgusting, and depraved things he had done in his life, that seemed to be the worst he had ever done. He was craving a drink. He was craving a hit of something. Even weed would do. His feet were carrying him downstairs and into the living room. The house was silent and peaceful this late at night as he walked towards the bar. No one was around to see him being a fucking loser either. There was no one to judge him as he walked behind the bar and poured himself a drink. 

"I think that's a bad idea" The sound of the voice made him almost drop his glass. "If you’re gonna break your sobriety than at least do it with the top-shelf stuff." 

"Dave" The name escaped his lips without him even realizing it as he turned around and found the ghost of his dead boyfriend sitting in the armchair his father had liked to occupy. He smiled at him and it was that same gorgeous, gentle, warm smile that he had missed so much these past five months.

"Hey there, Gorgeous." Dave smiled at him in response. "Long time no see."

The drink he had poured for himself was forgotten the moment Klaus had placed it down on the counter. He quickly staggered over to where Dave sat and, for once, his training paid off as he made the soldier corporal with little to no effort. Klaus sunk to his knees in front of the other man and wrapped his arms securely around his middle to push his face right into Dave’s flat stomach. There was no hint left of the bullet that had ripped through his lover’s torso.

"Where have you been?" Klaus sobbed. It was not just the sheer joy about seeing Dave at last but also the shame and guilt weighing him down further and further. Soon, he would not be able to swim back up from this. The guilt would eat him alive. What timing that was for Dave to show up right after Klaus had started hooking up with Diego! Dave had always had horrible timing.

"I was here." Dave smiled as Klaus lifted his head enough to stare at him. Gingerly, the other man brushed a few stray tears away from his cheeks. "I was right here, the entire time."

"What do you mean?" He replied shakily. "I couldn't see you."

"Yeah" He drawled and brushed fingers through his curls. 

"You didn't want me to." Klaus then concluded. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Dave’s face was as open as he remembered it. He couldn't hide the truth from Klaus now that they came face to face with each other again. "You hid from me."

"Only recently."

"What?" With not much force, Dave pulled him up by the hands only to get up himself and slowly wander through the room without acknowledging Klaus' question or his mounting confusion. A part of him hurt as he began to understand that Dave had actively shied away from him these past few months while he had been in agony. They ended up in front of one of the large windows overlooking the yard. 

"The first time you’ve seen me, you were four years old and playing outside in the yard, against your dad’s permission. You ran inside screeching like a banshee telling him about the man with the hole in his chest."

He felt his blood run cold as Dave’s words made the memory resurface with a violence that Klaus was not quite used to. "What do you-"

"I was here for the last thirty years, Klaus," Dave explained with a sad little smile. "You told me that you were a time traveler, remember?"

"You didn't believe me."

"No, I didn't. But when I was dead and could no longer find you in Vietnam … Well, I roamed around for a long time. And then, at one point, I thought, maybe my spooky boy had been telling the truth after all. So I came here and I waited. I watched how Reginald collected you all and brought you here."

"You were here this entire time?" There was a pit opening in his stomach, a black hole that was about to consume him completely at the implication. Had Dave seen everything? Had he witnessed how low Klaus had sunk in his life? Had he been there to watch it all?

"Sure," Dave said as if he should have known it. "I watched over you as best I could. When those assholes kidnapped you … A part of me wanted to warn you, you know? I wanted to warn you about them, wanted to warn you about the suitcase. But then I didn't."

"So that I would travel back before you were dead and fall in love with you."

"Yeah." Dave chuckled. "But after you came back … I hid, yes. Before, I was just one more ghost that you tried to ignore and drone out with drugs and sex and all this mess you created for yourself but after … After Vietnam, I knew that it would bring you more pain to see me."

"No, it wouldn't have!"

"Yes, Klaus" Dave sighed. "I had thirty years to watch you grow into the man I would fall in love with. I know you. Maybe I know you better than you know yourself. You wouldn't have been able to move on if you would see me all the time."

"I didn't want to move on."

"See?" He tipped his finger against Klaus’ forehead. "And that's the problem right there, Sugar. I am dead, Klaus. I have been dead for fifty years now. I was dead twenty years before you were even born, Honey."

"I can still touch you and talk to you and-"

"And as much as I love that … As much as I missed you and wanted to be with you, our relationship wouldn't have had a future like this, Klaus. You know that's true." He did know that it was true. How weird, how strange, how wrong would a relationship with a ghost be? Even for his standards. There was a line in the sand he didn't dare to cross. "I am dead and I don't belong in this world anymore. And you are alive. You have your whole life ahead of you still. When I decided to come here and watch you grow up, I wanted to make sure that you were safe and I needed to be here when you would come back from Vietnam. I thought about showing myself, to help you cope but then I realized that this would only delay the inevitable. You have to move on from this and from me."

"So, you played guardian angel for me?"

"I tried." He shrugged.

"Only so you can dump me now."

"I wanted to make sure that you are okay before I finally move on. For you, it's been five months, Klaus. For me, it's been fifty years. I have seen what becomes of ghosts who linger for too long. I don't want to end up like those ghouls from the mausoleum."

"You were there with me?"

"Sure. Don't you remember?" He shook his head. "I sang you Elvis songs in there."

"You are a terrible singer," Klaus muttered and prompted the ghost to chuckle. Now, however, he remembered. Only vaguely, yes, but he remembered that one ghost that kept singing off-key inside that stone tomb. "The other ghosts were so loud. But what makes you think I’m okay now?"

"Well, I think you are in good hands now. To be honest, I was rooting for you and Diego." He chuckled again. "You were cute as a teen with this huge-ass crush on him."

Klaus breathed out a laugh. "You were not jealous?"

"Maybe a little," Dave replied with a sheepish grin. "But death gives you peace in that regard. I’m happy you two finally found each other. He’s a good man, Klaus. He will be good to you."

It felt like a goodbye. He didn't want this to be over already but Dave’s eyes were soft and his smile gentle. "I don't want you to go."

"You have to let me go, Klaus." Dave sighed gently as he brushed his fingers over his cheek. "You have to move on with your life and allow me to move on into the afterlife as well." 

"Can't you stay for a little while longer?"

"No, Sugar. That would only make things harder. Don't be sad, Klaus. I loved you completely and you loved me the same. That's all that mattered, right? We were beautiful but now you need to live your own life and be happy. You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to love and be loved. All I want for you - all I ever wanted for you - was to be happy. I only ever wanted you to find someone who would love you the way you deserve to be loved and you got that now. My job here is done." 

"Klaus?" He whirled around when he heard Diego walk into the living room on bare feet. He was still dressed only in his boxers and a shirt, rubbing sleep from his eyes, his hair tousled. "Whatcha doing? Come back to bed."

He turned back to Dave only to find the room empty. A part of him wanted to cry and scream and scratch Diego’s eyes out. The other part of him felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Dave was gone. He could feel it now. The difference between Dave being around and Dave being truly gone. And though he was angry and sad and devastated and confused, there was also a hint of joy that Dave was able to move on into heaven now. He deserved to be in heaven, to be with his own family there, perhaps. 

"Hey, have you been crying?" Diego asked as he was close enough to probably see the dried tear tracks on his face. He didn't hesitate to pull Klaus into a little hug at this or to press a kiss against his temple. "What's wrong, Babe?"

"Nothing" He muttered quietly into the crook of Diego’s neck as he put his arms around him. "It's all good." 

**-End of Chapter 10-**


End file.
